Letting Go
by wildnfree21
Summary: Sounds cliche, but Leon loses someone special to him. This is a story of how he handles his grief and healing. I hope the story isn't as boring as I made the summary...But please! RR. It's been a while.
1. Holding on

Chapter One:  
  
Disclaimer: Resident Evil belongs to Capcom Inc. I did not make any profit off of this   
  
manuscript—I wish I did but it is just not so.  
  
"Don't worry! I swear, I will be waiting for you right outside the gate!"  
  
Leon chortled listlessly at the last thing Claire had told him that morning when he had   
  
dropped her off at the elementary school. She had been toting a side bag with a rainbow   
  
and the Harrison Elementary ensign across the front, a small black backpack and a   
  
handful of books for that day. It was still a sight he was growing used to: Claire   
  
Redfield, the elementary school teacher. Leon couldn't imagine staying in a room with   
  
twenty or so screaming kids for seven hours—even if he was getting paid for it. Or   
  
maybe it was just because he never cared much for little kids. The baby-sitting genes had   
  
gone to his youngest sister Leila. To him, little children were okay—and even   
  
amusing—in small doses but when he was around them too long they drove him crazy.  
  
"But you're so good with kids!" Claire had told him once when he had enlightened   
  
her with his theory on kids.   
  
"Yeah, but that's only for an hour or so." He explained. "I can entertain them for at   
  
least an hour but after that I don't know what will happen."  
  
"Oh, you're just being silly. I'll bet you'd get along really well." She told him with a   
  
mischievous smile that told him she thought the precise opposite of the words she said.   
  
She had that patronizing, sarcastic way about her but he didn't really mind. The things   
  
she said amused him a lot of the time because they were on the save wavelength if at   
  
different ends of the gender field.   
  
Leon shifted uncomfortably and let the searing pain in his shoulder run its course.   
  
Damn it, shoulder wounds just seemed to be his lot in life. Well, he supposed it was   
  
better than the alternative… He doubled checked his fresh shirt to be certain no blood   
  
was leaking through the bandage that he had gotten from the hospital that day—mere   
  
hours before. No matter how nice and peaceful a place was there was always some   
  
bastard somewhere that had to find some way or other to corrupt it.   
  
That morning, the bank just outside of town was robbed. Leon and his partner and a   
  
bunch of others had responded to the call…Leon had been lucky today, Dave hadn't   
  
been. He was critically injured in the hospital…they had stabilized him but he would   
  
have to stay there for two weeks. Once his wound had been patched up, Leon stayed by   
  
his fallen buddy's bed until a bunch of other officers had decided to swing by after their   
  
beat.   
  
He had left the hospital around two o' clock and rushed home. He didn't want the   
  
sight of a bloody shirt and haggard appearance to worry Claire. She already had fraying   
  
nerves especially since she hadn't heard from her brother, Chris, in over a year. Leon   
  
knew Chris from a few covert meetings a couple of months after the Rockford island   
  
incident, but they had never been what one might call friends. Except for one night when   
  
Chris confided in Leon that he was going on an extremely confidential operation with   
  
Barry, Jill and a few others that he wouldn't name; Chris had looked fraught with worry   
  
and tension.  
  
"Leon, would you mind sitting down a sec?" he had said seriously when they had   
  
returned from shopping for some new clothes for Claire's wardrobe.   
  
"Sure." Leon replied, sitting down across from Chris. The older man had taken on a   
  
hunching posture at the table, a change from the smiling Redfield that had made jokes   
  
about people in the food court as they past by. In hurried, whispered sentences, Chris had   
  
told Leon about his next mission (but only in the vaguest of details), ending with an   
  
almost desperate plea:  
  
"I don't know you, Kennedy. But you seem like a nice guy—a decent guy…that's way   
  
I'm asking you…would you take care of my sister—my baby sister for me? Would you do   
  
that for me?"   
  
The tone in which he asked knocked Leon out of breath. How do you respond to a   
  
request like that?  
  
"Of course." Was all he could say. "You wouldn't have had to ask."   
  
He had a feeling the last part didn't sit too well with the elder Redfield but Chris just   
  
nodded and Claire returned from upstairs and they never spoke a word about the subject   
  
again.  
  
The task had been simple in theory but harder in reality. When Chris had brought up   
  
the fact that he was leaving again, Claire had exploded. She had ranted about Chris   
  
promising, promising he wouldn't leave again. How she wouldn't stand the chance of   
  
losing him again. She'd kill herself first.  
  
Leon had stood by while the siblings argued, ending in a tearful ambiguous silence. A   
  
week later, Chris and the others were gone and Claire wouldn't speak with Leon for two   
  
weeks because of him "keeping secrets" from her.  
  
Communication with her brother was scarce. But still, there were times when Chris   
  
would chance a letter mailed under a pseudonym—or even rarer, a telephone call from a   
  
booth miles and miles from their hide out—to tell her how he was. There was usually   
  
one of these things every nine months. It had been four years. In that time, Claire had   
  
gotten her teaching degree from college and set up a nice, what would appear to be stable   
  
life for herself. And Leon had been beside her all the way, taking on a surrogate brother   
  
role that seemed to come naturally to him, especially since he was the only boy in his   
  
family growing up.   
  
A loud knock on the window seemed to pull him out of a feverish, hazy trance and   
  
Leon realized that he had fallen asleep. He looked out his window to see Claire staring   
  
down at him, not quite out of her teaching mode yet. He felt like he had just spilled a   
  
container of macaroni during arts and crafts time. He reached over to the passenger's   
  
side and unlocked the door. Claire seemed to sigh even though Leon couldn't hear her   
  
and she crossed around the green jeep and hopped in.  
  
"Leon Kennedy!" she exclaimed, hitting his right shoulder—and making him thankful   
  
it was only his left shoulder that was in pain. "You fell asleep with all the car windows   
  
rolled up and the A/C shut off. What did you want to do? Suffocate?"   
  
"I'm sorry, miss." Leon said, enjoying the ever so slight wince of Claire at the name that   
  
seemed to stick to all female teachers, married or not. "But it was all I could do not to eat   
  
paste again."  
  
"Ugh, spare me, Leon." She said, rolling her eyes and sitting back in the seat. "I teach   
  
fourth graders, I think most of them are well beyond the paste-eating stage."  
  
"All except that one kid in the corner, eh?" he asked, giving her a sideways glance as he   
  
reversed out of the parking lot.  
  
Claire was quiet for a few moments before she said, quite without feeling, "I keep   
  
telling Donnelley to stop eating the stuff, it tastes God awful, but that kid is like a brick   
  
wall."  
  
At that, Leon paused and turned to look at her. "Uh, Claire, I was just kidding."  
  
Claire gave him a dubious look, "Uh, Leon, so was I."  
  
The two laughed a short, dull laugh and there was silence. Claire seemed to want to   
  
say something; her words started to form but then were sucked back in by indecision.   
  
Leon waited until after the fifth set of, "Leo—di--…"s and "Wel—ca--…"s before he   
  
broke out with, "Claire, if you ever decide to teach English—don't."  
  
At that, she gave a real laugh and shook her head. "What I meant to say was…did   
  
he…did anything…Oh, come on, you know what I'm saying."  
  
"No." Leon replied.  
  
"No?" she repeated.  
  
"There was nothing from Chris."  
  
An uneasy smile, a slight nod then a turn to look out the window was the response.   
  
The rest of the drive was a deep silence that was more contemplating than uncomfortable   
  
as Leon drove to the usual restaurant they went to twice a week to compare lives. Today   
  
was Thursday—Leon was treating. Claire had seemed to brighten up as they sat in the   
  
little booth by the window and watched as people passed by.   
  
"God, did you ever think that we'd have such hum-drum lives?" Claire wondered   
  
aloud as she finished the details of her day.  
  
"Hey, being a cop is exciting." Leon objected. 'More exciting than she knows, especially   
  
today…'  
  
"Yeah, but I'm a teacher. Where's the excitement in that?" Claire wondered. "I didn't   
  
plan to do this, I just didn't…I didn't know what else to do with my life…"  
  
Her tone wasn't depressed or self-pitying—that wasn't Claire—it was only honest.   
  
She looked up at him with eyes that were still bright and full of child-like wonder despite   
  
all she had been through. Leon pursed his lips together and took a deep breath.   
  
Whenever Claire got like this, it was always best to take a firm stand.  
  
"Don't give me that 'those who can't, teach' crap." Leon said, taking her hand. "Claire,   
  
you're job is important. You educate the future leaders of tomorrow, the hope for the   
  
world to come, the…the everything else that suggests that those little snot wads will grow   
  
up to be successful men and women."  
  
Claire raised an eyebrow at him and scoffed. "Your confidence and certainty is   
  
overwhelming."  
  
"I just don't understand why you'd feel your commonplace just because you're a teacher.   
  
You're every bit as important as doctors, lawyers, scientists—and maybe even police   
  
officers—" that remark brought a sniff of indignation, by the way—"your job is probably   
  
a lot more honest anyway."  
  
"Yeah, I guess so." She said, sounding a little better.  
  
"Plus, you with a yard stick as a disciplinary tool is incredibly sexy." Leon added with a   
  
twinkle in his eye.  
  
  
  
They pulled into Claire's little house about two hours later, as the sun was setting.   
  
Claire gave a small "Thanks" before she started to collect her things and opened her door.  
  
"Hey, Claire." Leon called before she could close it.  
  
"Yes?" she said, balancing her things on her hip in order to brush away a loose strand of   
  
hair from her eyes.  
  
"You gonna be okay? Is there anything you need?"  
  
Claire shook her head and smiled in a pleased way that made Leon feel foolish.   
  
"You sure?" Leon double-checked.  
  
Claire looked thoughtful for a moment before she looked down at her things. "Well, I   
  
have a whopping pile of papers to grade for tomorrow. You interested?"  
  
"Uh, later—rain check!" Leon spat out, making an over the top movement to get away.  
  
"Oh-ho, I see, Kennedy doesn't want to get his hands dirty with ink stains."  
  
"I'm through with school, Redfield." He replied.  
  
Defeated, Claire looked down at her nails and shrugged. "Okay, fine. I'll go in and   
  
grade these papers all by myself. Someone will be hiding in a closet somewhere, he'll   
  
attack me…I'll probably be beaten and brutally raped…but, oh well—you can do the   
  
homicide report! Seeya later." She said with a bright tone and hearty salute.  
  
Leon squinted over the sloppy handwriting of one of Claire's students. "You know,   
  
Claire, one of these days, that helpless female act is not going to work."  
  
Claire could only giggle and return to the pile she was grading. After five more minutes   
  
of trying to decipher the words for the spelling test he was staring at, he gave up and   
  
looked at Claire again. She was curled up in her corner of the couch, nibbling on her   
  
eraser and then marking down something on the paper. Finally, she set the paper down   
  
and sighed.  
  
"Okay, I'm done, I—Leon! You still have a whole bunch to go." She said, looking at   
  
the pile he still had.  
  
"I told you, I'm through with school." He said nonchalantly.  
  
Claire threw her arms up in surrender. "You're useless. I'm better off being rap—"  
  
"The day that helpless thing wears thin is today, Claire, I'm not listening." Leon said,   
  
covering his ears.  
  
"You will too, listen!" Claire said, hitting him with a couch pillow.  
  
"Claire, wait!" he exclaimed, shielding his arm as she pummeled him again and again   
  
with as much damage as feathers and velvet could inflict. Out of breath, she stopped and   
  
leaned on his shoulder.   
  
"You don't normally give up that easily." She said, looking up at him and feeling his   
  
forehead. "Are you okay?"  
  
Leon mumbled something about being fine when he felt the pain killers given to him   
  
wear off. Faintly, he thought about rushing outside to the car to get the pills when he felt   
  
Claire's warm hand on his cheek.  
  
"You shaved before you came to pick me up?"  
  
"Yeah." He replied.  
  
"It's really smooth." She observed, scooting closer to him, clutching his uniform as she   
  
did so. "And your uniform seems to be fresh despite all the hard work you must do in it."  
  
Leon felt torn between the pain seeping back into his shoulder and the increasing   
  
curiosity as to what Claire would do next.   
  
She gazed deep into his eyes for a few moments before she pushed him away   
  
violently. "Okay, Leon, what's going on here?"  
  
"Ou—whaddayuh mean, 'what's going on'?"  
  
"Don't give me that. You're never this clean cut when you pick me up after work. You   
  
changed into a new uniform and shaved off the three-day beard requisite of a cop   
  
working the beat you have."  
  
"So?" he asked, dusting himself off stiffly.  
  
"So…what's wrong?" she asked him, her voice gentle once again.  
  
Leon was about to insist that nothing was wrong when he caught her looking at him   
  
strangely. He followed her gaze to a red blotch on his left shoulder area.   
  
"Oh, that's…that, uh…" he didn't get to finish because she was already reaching for his   
  
shirt and unbuttoning it to reveal his bandage, soaked through with blood that had spurted   
  
out.  
  
"Leon…" her voice was small, fragile. "What…what happened?"  
  
He was once again going to insist on the lame excuse of 'nothing' but the concern in   
  
her eyes tore him apart worse than his wound did his shoulder. So he told her the whole   
  
story. From the moment the call came out to the second he stepped out of the hospital to   
  
go home and change.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded weakly.  
  
"I didn't want you to worry. You've already got so much on your mind. Why should   
  
you worry about me?"  
  
"Because you're my friend, Leon!" she exclaimed, hugging him tightly. "I don't know   
  
what I'd do if you…if anything worse had happened to you today."  
  
Leon felt his throat tighten. Trying to lighten the mood, he forced a smile. "Hey, I   
  
was lucky today."  
  
A pause before Claire meekly replied, "Luck runs out…I can't lose another one of the   
  
people I care for the most." She looked up at him. "Please, please, stop keeping things   
  
from me. I need to know so that I can help you. I won't fall apart like you think I will,   
  
honest. Please stop keeping secrets from me." She repeated.  
  
Leon swallowed again and took a deep breath. "It's been rough, I know."  
  
"I've lost my parents. I might have lost Chris. I can't lose you too." She said with   
  
desperation.   
  
"That's the thing! You didn't lose me. There's probably a good chance that you won't."  
  
"Probability and chances aren't exactly comforting things to count on." She said softly,   
  
hugging him close.  
  
"Trust me, Claire." He said firmly, stroking her back. "You won't lose anyone   
  
anymore."  
  
Although dangerous as that promise was, it was true. Claire wouldn't be the one to lose   
  
another anymore. He would. 


	2. There goes the world

Chapter Two:  
  
Leon awoke to a faint stinging on his shoulder. After a few burning seconds, the full force hit him and he jolted up with a loud groan.  
  
"Hey, calm down, would ya?" Claire whispered soothingly. "I _have_ done this before, you know."  
  
Unaware of what was happening but too drowsy to care, Leon laid his head back down and allowed the pain to travel through his  
  
body until it was over and he was feeling much better than before.   
  
He dozed off again and was shaken again not too much later.   
  
"Ugh." he moaned as if he were intoxicated. "I don't care what he says, I'm gonna throw the trash in the pool..."  
  
Claire rolled her eyes and choked back a laugh. "Okay, that just made no sense whatsoever. Wake up." she shook him  
  
again and he forced himself fully awake. "Morning, sleepyhead."  
  
He muttered some grumpy reply and she sighed. "Are you up to taking me to work today? Or should I just walk? Oh, and by the by, don't  
  
you have a job to be getting to also?"  
  
"Claire, please...not too many words so early in the morning." Leon murmured dramatically. "I can't take it."  
  
"Okay." Claire said hesitantly. She tapped her foot, looking around the living room as if she were considering changing the colour from  
  
butter yellow to lime green. A click of her tongue on the roof of her mouth, a quick glance at her watch and she blew an exasperated   
  
breath which caused her long bangs to fly upward then fall back in feathery wisps.   
  
"Leon? Leon? Wake up!" Claire bit her lip. "Come on, Leon, this isn't funny. Hey, I know you're only doing this to stress me out  
  
so come on." She sat back on the fold-out couch and looked at her watch again before she leaned over and fished Leon's keys out of his  
  
pocket. "Of course, you know, I could just..._take_ your car with me and--"   
  
At that, Leon leapt up and grabbed her arm. "Give." he said sternly, holding his palm out.  
  
Stubbornly, Claire released the keys and brushed her hair away from her face. "I knew that would get you up."  
  
"Get me up nothing." Leon replied, straightening himself up. "Nobody but NOBODY touches my baby."  
  
"You and yo' cars." Claire replied in a Louisiana accent that she had picked up from some movie. It wasn't very good. "Just what do you  
  
think you're laughing at?"  
  
Leon shook his head as a response and ran his hand through his hair.   
  
"How's your shoulder? Is it all right?" she asked as she followed him out the door.  
  
"It's better. Don't forget to lock the door."   
  
Claire shut the door and rolled her eyes as she had already known to lock it in the first place.  
  
"So protective..." she murmured.  
  
Leon chose to ignore her last comment and opened up the door for her. As she climbed into her seat, Leon yawned and grinded the sleep  
  
crust out of his eyes with his fist.   
  
"Are you okay to drive?" she asked, yawning herself as she did so.  
  
Leon nodded and closed her door then crossed to his own.  
  
************************************************************************************************************  
  
The only intention Leon had when he entered his apartment shortly after dropping Claire off at Harrison Elementary was to brush his teeth (just  
  
to get rid of the awful taste in his mouth) and then fall asleep. His superior had told him to take as much time as he needed recovering from the wound  
  
but Leon was pretty sure he would return to work in less than a week. He was devoted to his job but he had to admit that this brief hiatus would do him  
  
good. Sleep wasn't a luxury to him. Most of his hours were spent in the station and by the end of the day, he was so hyped up on caffeine that the rest he  
  
got was a cat nap on some couch in the break room. That was why he was surprised that he was able to sleep so well at Claire's house.   
  
After he did his obligatory routine of tooth-brushing, Leon practically tumbled onto his bed and knocked out before his head hit the pillow. Which was just as well as his pain killers decided to give out at that very moment. His mind's eye blurred and fizzed away in ribbons of hazy colour as he slipped deeper and deeper into sleep. He was on a path of stone, lined with trees...it was cold and windy but he didn't feel the effects of the weather. He was too busy staring at the end of the path where there was an out of place white door. Leon was never an honours student but even he had to wonder how stupid he was in his dreams. Who goes to an ominous door just standing in the middle of the woods?   
  
Well, stupid or not, he went towards the door, down the path that seemed to get longer and longer the more he went. Almost like walking on a treadmill. You could walk miles and miles without ever getting anywhere... After what seemed like hours, he reached the door; he hesitated for a few seconds, wondering what could possibly be on the other side? He heard a noise from behind him and looked back. To his horror, he saw images he hadn't seen in years since he went to a psychologist to talk out his problems with an objective, unbiased third-party. Stumbling zombies, lizard-like lickers and all the other horrors he thought he had left behind were coming toward him as if he were still there, living the whole thing over again.   
  
He turned back to the door, no longer caring what was on the other side, so long as he wasn't on this one anymore. His heart sank when he looked down to where the doorknob would have--_should_ have--been only to see that it was gone. From the trees all around came wriggling snakes of all origins and the ground began to shake and split; sending fiery spouts of inferno into the air.   
  
Oh God, what was going on here?! He banged and pounded and tackled the door, hoping it would budge but it was unmovable. All the nightmarish creatures were getting closer, zombies, snakes, fire and all. The only way out now truly was the door and he slammed himself into it again and again, ignoring the pain in his arm. With a final bash to the door, it gave way and he fell through, completely taken by surprise. There was no other side, instead, he was in a whirlwind that spun him round and round before dropping him into a lake that was teeming with skulls--not trout, but human skulls. He opened his mouth to scream and swam to the surface. He hit a solid barrier. The lake had frozen over.   
  
Leon was beginning to get tired of this. Why couldn't he just wake up? Looking around, he saw another door, lying in the muck at the bottom of the lake. Without thinking about how annoying the doors were going to get, he swam for it. When he reached the bottom, he was shaken to see that it wasn't a door at all. It was a coffin. A split second after that realization was made, the coffin burst open and bony, skeletal fingers grasped him around the shoulders and started shaking him violently.   
  
Bitter water entered his mouth, choking him as he let out a soundless scream. He instinctively reached for his hip holster and pulled out his gun. The minute the weapon came within view the scene changed rapidly. He was no longer in a turbid lake but in a dimly lit gun shop. In front of him was a mirror and in his hands was his prized desert eagle. Leon froze, his mouth was going numb and he wiggled his tongue around, trying to regain some feeling. He reached up and felt around inside his mouth. There didn't seem to be anything wrong. He looked down at his hands and yelped in fear. In his palm lay several of his teeth... He was losing his teeth...He quickly glanced in the mirror only to find that his all his teeth were still perfectly in tact. He reached up and pulled out five more of his teeth only to find that when he inspected his mouth, none were missing...  
  
A loud scream from the phone woke him up and he bolted straight up in bed. His was reeling more from the dream than the head ache that was forming inside him at that moment. His heart was pounding and he quickly checked his mouth to be certain none of his teeth were gone. Once his breathing stilled, Leon turned to the phone and picked it up.  
  
"Hello?" he said, his voice hoarse.  
  
There was silence on the other line. Then a soft sniff and a stifled sob.  
  
"Hello? Is anybody there?" he tried again, clearing his throat.  
  
After a few seconds, there was a faint, "Is this Leon?"  
  
"Yes." Leon replied, noticing the familiar timbre of his oldest sister's voice. "Lanna? Is this you?"  
  
"Y...yes." she said, forcing a sob from her voice. "There's bad news, Leon."  
  
"What? What is it?" Leon demanded, fully awake.  
  
"It's Daddy." she murmured. "He just died." 


	3. As the world spins

Chapter Three:  
  
*I might not have mentioned this before, but words that are in between the underscores ( _ ) are the words that would be in italics, so in the dialogue, they are stressed. A little trick I learned from my friend Hotaru!   
  
  
  
Leon's blood froze in his veins and it really did seem like his heart stopped beating. The words his sister spoke had seemed so...unreal. He heard the words she said, knew that each of them could have been looked up in the dictionary he never used, knew that they made perfect sense and yet...they made absolutely no sense at all. It was like saying up was down and right was left. Or the moon was made of green cheese. Or that...or that...  
  
"Leon? Kiddo, are you there?" Lanna whispered so low that he almost didn't hear her.  
  
"Yes. No. I mean..." Leon stumbled over the words. "Yeah, I'm--oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, God, _NO_!"   
  
"Oh, Leon, it's o--kay..." Lanna trembled, her voice cracking and her sobs breaking through. On opposite ends of the phone line and three states apart, the oldest and middle children of the late Frank Kennedy doubled over with bleeding hearts and punctured breaths.   
  
The phone fell from Leon's hands just as Lanna slid down the wall to rest on the floor of the hallway just outside the hospital's viewing room. The rest of the Kennedy girls rushed toward her to help and she didn't resist. Only allowed them to help her up and pushed back the tears that had escaped her momentarily.   
  
"Do you want me to talk to him?" one sister asked.  
  
"No, Leila. I'm alright." she took hold of the phone again.   
  
On the opposite end of the line and three lonely states away, the middle Kennedy had sank to the carpet and was staring off into space. He was shivering as if the room had suddenly fell three degrees below zero.   
  
Lanna's voice came from the phone and he summoned up all of his strength to lift the receiver to his ear.  
  
"When?" was all he could say.  
  
"About an hour ago."  
  
'How's mom? Was dad in pain? What happened?' Questions swirled in his head. Words fought to get out and make their peace.   
  
"Mom's still in shock, she isn't saying much and--"  
  
"I'll be there." Leon said gruffly. Then he let the phone fall.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Leon was very thankful for the streets not being crowded as he drove through them not really caring how many laws he was breaking. His first instinct when he hung up the phone was to just grab his keys and drive all the way home without any stops. But he couldn't just leave without at least telling Claire. That thought crept into his mind before he even got up from his spot on the floor. Claire. He'd have to tell Claire what happened. That thought cleared the path for more reasoning. To at least grab the duffle he kept in the closet--filled with extra clothes and toiletries--in case of an emergency.   
  
He grabbed the bag, his keys and flew out of his apartment. From there, he was on autopilot. He didn't even realize what was going on around him. As if the scenery of the Pennsylvania town had melted away and only the road he was on still existed. It scared the shit out of him to realize just how little he was feeling at the moment. Shouldn't you cry? Shouldn't you be angry? At the birds for singing, the wind for blowing? Whatever you cried about or found anger at, shouldn't you feel something besides this numb emotion caught between hot and cold?   
  
Nerves frayed in his body, each one letting go and detaching themselves from him with every mile he drove to Claire's school. By the time he reached the little campus he was a wreck. It must have been recess or lunchtime for one of the grades because there were children playing in the yard. Leon drove right past them, seeing them swinging, climbing and laughing in slow motion. He parked in front of the gate and headed for the entrance. He knew where Claire's classroom was and that you needed a visitor's pass to stay on campus but he couldn't care less. Another feeling that he was lacking at he moment.   
  
The fourth and fifth grade wing was down the stairs on the right and he climbed down them, almost floating but sure that every muscle in his leg was working to hold him up. A group of little boys streamed past him, knocking into him as if he were invisible. He heard a school aid yell for them to get back in line and they obeyed after some huffing and puffing.   
  
Room 19 was at the very end of the fourth grade wing. Leon was about to open the door when it burst open, hitting him right in the jaw and pushing him against the wall. He felt a very faint sting in his nearly crushed fingers and bumped nose but he pushed himself back out and headed into the classroom. He wavered in the door for a few moments, surveying the scene before him: Claire was erasing something at the blackboard and there was a very menacing looking boy (well, as menacing as a nine-year-old boy could attempt to look) sitting on a chair facing the wall.  
  
"I'm not a baby, lady." the boy said.   
  
"I'll believe that when you stop acting like it." she quipped, setting the eraser down.  
  
"You're not my mother. You can't keep putting me at the wall like this." he griped.  
  
"Thank God for that unbelievable stroke of luck." Claire told him. "And you just watch."  
  
The boy was obviously stuck for a moment before he said, "Watch what?"  
  
"I will keep you at that wall. You will miss the whole year of recess and any other privileges and liberties I award the other kids." Claire said noncommittally. "If... you don't shape up."  
  
"You can't do that. I'll tell my father."  
  
"Your _father_ doesn'--"  
  
Claire bit her lip, looking as if she wanted to say something brash and cruel. Something that could damage a child for the rest of his days. But she stopped and took a deep breath. She turned to face the boy and said evenly.  
  
"Joel, is there anything you want to talk about?"  
  
"No. You ain't my shrink." he said grumpily, challenging the wall in a staring match. "You're just a teacher. You _should_ be a whore."  
  
Claire was about to say something smart back when Leon found himself exploding with, "YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF, KID!" he bellowed it so that even the windows shook. Both the boy and Claire whipped around to look at him.  
  
"Don't you _EVER_ talk to her like that again." Leon warned him, his nostrils flaring. He had no idea that he had been following what the conversation was about. "She was just concerned and you had NO RIGHT to speak to her with that kind of language."  
  
Claire came up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Officer Kennedy, you're early." she stumbled only slightly over the words.  
  
"That kid shouldn't be talking to you like that, Claire."  
  
"He's a KID, Leon." Claire replied, looking like she wanted to force back a laugh. What was _wrong_ with her? Didn't she realize the gravity of what was going on?  
  
"Joel." Claire said, looking at Leon.  
  
"Yes, Miss Redfield?" he answered in a soft voice, looking warily at Leon's police uniform (which he had not changed out of yet).  
  
"Why don't you start on that assignment you had earlier but were too stubborn to complete?" she suggested.  
  
"I told you, I don't--" he halted in the middle of his sentence when he saw Leon glaring at him. He quickly added, "I guess I could try."  
  
"Good boy." she said. "No more disruptions?"  
  
"No."  
  
Claire nodded and led Leon out the door. She shut the door and looked at Leon; once she saw his eyes, her face fell into a concerned expression.   
  
"Oh my God. What happened?" she asked, touching his shoulder. Her warmth seemed to settle there then disappear in the numbness. "Are you okay?"  
  
Leon frowned and shook his head, "I'm sorry...what was that?"  
  
"Hoo, boy." she said, trying to smile. "You're at my school at 10:00 in the morning when you're usually at work. You're even a bit temper--"  
  
"My dad died, Claire." he interrupted before she could continue. "I...I have to go to Illinois to see them."  
  
"Oh, Leon...I...Of course, of course." Claire said, her voice dry, her hand clutching the base of her throat. She didn't even bother asking who the 'them' was.  
  
"Yeah...I just--you know... just wanted to tell you that--" Leon lost his balance and clutched at the wall for support. Claire grabbed for him and helped him steady himself.  
  
"You're going to drive all the way to Illinois, like _this_?" Claire asked him, then shook her head. "No. No. You wait here."  
  
It was Leon's turn to shake his head. "No, Claire. I gotta go _now_." But he didn't get up when Claire set him down on the bench by her room. After five minutes, a man arrived at the room and Claire hurried out with her jacket. "Thank you so much, Jake." she said. "My lesson plan is on the table. I'll be faxing the rest to the school when I can."  
  
"All right. You spoke to the principal?" Jake asked.  
  
"Yes." she said. "Over the intercom."  
  
"Okay." Jake replied. He looked at Leon, who was staring off into space. "Is there...some kind of emergency?"  
  
Claire hurriedly put her jacket on and looked at him flatly. "I wouldn't be leaving so abruptly without it being an emergency."  
  
"Your friend okay?" he asked, nodding towards Leon.  
  
Without giving his question any acknowledgement, Claire handed him the keys to her classroom and made a movement to help Leon up.   
  
"I'm fine." Leon told her without much protest as he got to his feet.   
  
"Well, see. He's fine." she replied to Jake, then took Leon's hand, grasping it firmly in her own.  
  
They didn't say anything on the way to his car but several objections ran through his mind. He didn't want Claire missing anything because of him. She really didn't need to do this...  
  
"Okay." Claire said after she had set him in the passenger's seat and herself in the driver's spot. "You have a map here somewhere?"  
  
"Haven't you been listening to a word I've said?" he demanded.  
  
"What?" Claire asked, gazing up at him quizzically.  
  
Leon pressed his lips together and looked out the window. "I told you I don't want you missing any work because of me. You don't need to go."  
  
"Leon...you never said any of that." she told him cluelessly. She blinked softly at him, looking like she either wanted to cry or yell at him.  
  
He groaned in frustration. "Claire...I'm sorry." he said, brushing his hair back. "I--I must have just...zoned out."  
  
"You don't need to worry about anything." she assured him, squeezing his hand. "I'm going to help you just like you helped me so many times."  
  
"You really don't need to." he said weakly.  
  
"Well, too bad." she replied, starting the car. She shifted into reverse and looked at him. "Because I want to." 


	4. Homecoming

Chapter Four:  
  
Silence wasn't exactly golden that day as Claire drove down the busy highway, glancing every now and then towards Leon, who had been like a broken down automaton for _hours_. Not that she blamed him. Claire had seen the look in his eyes, all the pain that was settled under the surface. He may be trying to be strong, but sooner or later, those unspoken feelings would break the surface. And it was going to be hell. She remembered reacting in the very same way when her mother died, mere years after her father went. It felt as if the whole world was coming down around her, but she was rooted in one spot. Depression had become such a frequent visitor that Chris had forced her to go to a pyschologist to sort out her emotions. She hadn't had very many people in her life that were as close to her as her brother or that she cared so much for like...like Leon... Every time she looked his way she felt compelled to say something but no words came out.   
  
After nearly an hour of staring at a particular spot on the windshield, Leon turned to look at her. He gave her the slightest of smiles and gestured to the front, "You should keep your eyes on the road."  
  
"Oh...right." She said, looking straight ahead once again.   
  
She was surprised when less than a minute later, Leon's haggard voice spoke up again. "How are you holding up?"  
  
"Pretty good. But shouldn't I be asking _you_ that?" Claire replied.   
  
Leon flinched as if her words stung. "I guess I should be getting used to that question, huh?"   
  
The corner of Claire's mouth turned up slightly. "You might hear that a lot. Even from people you never knew before..." Before she could stop herself, Claire barged on. "I'm sorry."  
  
A questioning expression lighted Leon's eyes. "Sorry for what? My father?"  
  
"Sorry for... everything... Your dad... not being able to say anything to help you--well, I guess, from experience there really is nothing you _can_ say to--"  
  
"Claire." He interrupted. A little colour returned to Leon's face as a real smile appeared on his visage. "Just you being here means more than any words can say." He leaned back and closed his eyes exhaustedly. "Claire, I have to tell you this now or I may forget. Once we reach my hometown, let me take over, alright?"  
  
Claire agreed and focused on the highway before her. Silence resumed in the jeep; She felt no need to fill it, just to get out of it. Perhaps that was why she drove faster for the next nine hours straight. It was nearly midnight by the time she pulled into a motel by the road.   
  
"Just climb over here." Leon told her. "I'll keep driving."  
  
"Leon, it's midnight. Do you really think you should be driving in the state you're in--"  
  
"I'll be fine, Claire." Leon told her. He then caught himself. "I'll be fine. You can rest or something. You've been driving all day."  
  
Against her better judgement, Claire traded places with Leon and felt just a little bit queasy as he got on the road again. Her intention was to stay up, watching Leon to make sure he didn't swerve or lose it completely but less than fifteen minutes into doing this, she felt her eyes growing heavier. Time seemed to stop for one brief moment in her dreamless sleep but when she awoke again, her neck was stiff and sunlight was trying to penetrate through the tinted windows. Outside, trees and scenery were flying by at a break-necking pace and she felt her stomach turn over as Leon started for the exit up ahead.   
  
Claire looked at the speedometer and saw that he was going at nearly 110mph.   
  
"Um...how long have you been driving like that?" she queried.   
  
"Huh?" Leon asked, turning to her.  
  
"Leon--keep your eyes on the road!" she exclaimed, gripping her seatbelt.  
  
"Oh, sorry." Leon let up on the gas but only enough so that he was lingering just under the 100 mark.   
  
"Pull over to the side, I can take over now." Claire replied.  
  
Leon seemed to have covered more miles than she had expected him to because they reached his town less than three hours later. The Kennedy's lived in a nice subdivision just outside the urban areas. The houses were close together but still had a little yard room for kids and flowers alike to grow in.  
  
"Take a left here." Leon said gruffly, his knuckles white from gripping his seatbelt in anticipation.  
  
As they agreed, Leon took over the wheel before they reached his house. It was a three-story house with a colonial facade and an American flag flying from the porch. Two cars were sitting in the garage and a third right behind them in the driveway. Leon drove right onto the grass stopping a few feet away from the front door. He hastily unbuckled himself and rushed to the front door.   
  
Claire's heart pounded and she quickly followed suit. The door was locked and Leon banged on the door.  
  
"Come on, come on, open up!" he said, in an aggressive voice that she had never heard him use before.  
  
Clearing her throat, she gently touched his shoulder. "Maybe their still sleeping?"  
  
"Sleeping? Sleeping?! How can they be sleeping? It's eleven o' clock in the fucking morning!"  
  
"You don't need to cuss and carry on so." A voice from the other side of the door said.   
  
A split second later, the door flew open and Claire was almost knocked over by the strong resemblance between Leon and the girl in front of them. She had longer, thicker, curly hair pulled back with a lavender headband but her eyes (perfect blue marred only by redness from abrasive tears) and cheekbones and lips were definitely Leon's.  
  
"Oh, you brought someone with you." She said, giving Claire a smile. "Hi, I'm Leon's sister, Lanna Kennedy."  
  
"Hi." Claire said, shaking her hand. "Claire Redfield."  
  
Lanna nodded then released a heavy sigh. "Well. Come on in. Everybody's here."  
  
"What do you mean 'everybody'?" Leon asked as they stepped down three steps and stood in a small foyer.   
  
"Auntie Bertha and Uncle Montague."  
  
They went through an open door way into a sunken living room. There was a slight racket at the sight of Leon and three girls with the same fire-red hair rushed toward him. Claire watched as Leon swallowed deeply, trying to hold back any signs of pain.  
  
"We're so glad you came home!" One of the youngest of the group exclaimed.   
  
"Of course I came home, kid." he said.   
  
"Whose that?" said his other youngest sister.  
  
Leon pulled away from his sisters looked in Claire's direction.  
  
"This is my friend, Claire Redfield. Claire Redfield, meet my sisters, Leila, Lalaine and Lalique. I think you already know Lanna."   
  
Claire managed a "hello" and stared wordlessly. She always knew there were resemblances in a family, but she could never tell. To her, a person never seemed to look like their mother or father, nor any of their siblings. They just looked... like themselves. But now, standing before her were four more (female versions) of Leon Scott Kennedy staring at her.   
  
For a split second there was nothing but quiet, then Lalique--or Lalaine, they could have been twins-- said, "Leon never told us he had a girlfriend."  
  
The situation was temporarily forgotten and Claire felt herself blushing profusely. "Well, I'm not. I'm not his--"  
  
"Oh, don't be shy." Lanna shushed her. "You're the first girl he's ever brought to this house--at least to our knowledge."  
  
"Hey, hey. It's not fair to tease." Leon said. "Especially now."  
  
"Dad wouldn't want us to be sad--mom said so." said Lalique.  
  
"I know, but--" Leon stopped in the middle of his sentence and spun around.   
  
In the door way that led from the living room into the den was a woman with rich red hair that had signs of gray peeking out at the corners but a bright smile that hid how old she was.  
  
"Ma..." Leon's voice caught his throat and he crossed the living room in three strides to give her a hug. It was then that he broke down. At first, it had seemed like Leon was whispering furiously at her, then his shoulders rose and fell and he was coughing violent. His deep voice came out in strangled gasps. "He wasn't supposed to die, mom. He was...he was men like him don't die! They don't die! They don't die!"  
  
Mrs. Kennedy only nodded and bit her bottom lip. "It's okay, sweetie, it's okay."  
  
"I should have been here! I could've saved him!" Leon went on, choking out the words. The Kennedy girls all huddled together, tears forming in their eyes again; Claire understood. The situation was bad enough, but seeing Leon, who she had thought was so unsinkable and strong...crying. It was almost too much.   
  
"We shouldn't feel sorry for ourselves, honey." Mrs. Kennedy said, patting his back.  
  
"I'm a _COP_, mom! They _train_ me to save people and I wasn't here to save my own _FATHER_!"   
  
Claire swallowed hard and hugged herself tightly. She felt a tear of her own slid down her cheek; She didn't know what to do for Leon and even if she had, would it have been right to interrupt such a private family moment? Feeling a hand on her arm, she looked up. Leila smiled at her and cocked her head slightly to the doorway.  
  
"There's coffee in the kitchen if you want some. You must be tired after such a long drive."  
  
Claire nodded. "But...Leon--will he--"  
  
"He'll be fine." Leila told her. "He's always...it's hard on all of us, you know, but...Leon was very close to dad. He just needs to talk with our mother for a little bit."  
  
Hesitantly, Claire went through the side door and sat on a stool in the kitchen. Her heart fell again as she heard a loud sob from Leon and she grasped her hair in her hands, leaning on her elbows. The kitchen was fairly big with enough appliances to venture a guess that the family cooked a lot. She was sitting at an island bar in the middle of the kitchen, which everything revolved around. Lalique walked in to the kitchen, filled a glass with water, then walked out again. And Claire suddenly felt out of place. She had been so stupid, rushing into this. There was so much support in this house already... but how was she to know? She thought she was helping him by... She didn't plan on feeling like an interloper. Sighing heavily, Claire placed her head on her arms, leaning on the bar, suddenly feeling she should never have come.  
  
****************************************************************************************************************************  
  
"I want to see him." Leon said. He was sitting on the couch, his sisters and mom were sitting in various chairs and rugs around him. "I wanna see dad."  
  
Lanna and Leila looked at each other warily. "Don't look like that. You all got to see him, why can't I?" He swiveled around and looked at Mrs. Kennedy. "Mom."  
  
"Stop it, you three." Was all she said. "If that's what you want... We can go after you freshen up--"  
  
"No, I want to go _now_." He insisted.  
  
"Leon, are you sure that's wise?" Lanna spoke up. "You're still very vulnerable--"  
  
"I _want_ to see my father. You all may not want to see him while he's in a morgue but I care--"   
  
"You think we don't care about dad?! He was _our_ father, too, ya know!" Leila jumped in.  
  
"STOP IT." Their mother said. "You can't be acting like children now."  
  
"Nevermind. I'll just see him at the funeral." Leon said grumpily. "When he's all made up in make-up that makes him look like a clown--you know, those people don't know what the hell they're doing--"  
  
"Leon--"  
  
"--they make them look completely different." Leon said. "Please, mom...don't make them put make up on him. Don't let them look different."  
  
"I _won't_." She promised. She took a deep breath. "We'll go see him in a little bit, once you're rested and really up to it." She looked up. "In the mean time, why don't you go check on that nice girl of yours? You haven't said a word to her ever since you got here."  
  
Leon's hand flew to his forehead. "Oh, God. Claire! I...I--" Leon got up from the couch. "Is she alright?"  
  
"She's upstairs." Lalique said. "We told her she could rest in your room. Uncle Monte and Auntie Beth already have the guest room."  
  
Leon turned and went up the stairs and down the hall. His room was at the end of hall and he went in. Claire was lying on his bed, sleeping soundly. He stood in the doorway, looking in on her and feeling a sense of nostalgia invade him. There was a headboard behind his bed with a built-in shelf, which held nothing but his most prized possessions: pictures of him with his father and mother, a foul ball he had caught at a baseball game and other miscellaneous things he had picked up.  
  
Claire groaned a little then turned on her side, nuzzling the blue and green striped pillow. Leon breathed in the smell of his house and smiled. He was unbelievably grateful to her that she had taken him here. He didn't know how he would have gotten here if she hadn't... Not wanting to disturb her, Leon snuck out of the room and headed back down the hall. His intention was to go back down but the thought of throwing another fit of whining wasn't too appealing to him. Instead, the open door of his parent's room and he peeked in. The bed looked untousled, as if it hadn't been slept in. On the bed was an overnight bag with his father's clothes strewn around it. No doubt his mother had thought he would be coming back... he had those spells every now and then... Walking towards the bed, he gingerly touched the terry cotton robe stuffed into the bag. His father wore the robe all the time every time he was off for the day. Pulling it out of the bag, he held it close to his chest and took a deep breath. The scent of Irish Spring invaded his nostrils and he felt sick and alone. He had told himself over and over again that his father was gone but it still didn't seem real. He sank to his knees and swallowed hard, missing the man that he thought was the greatest superhero ever. Missing him so much he felt as if he himself were dying. 


	5. Man of the House

Chapter Five:  
  
Lanna closed her eyes in frustration as she looked down at her younger brother. He was still the same. Men never grew up. He was sitting--no, _sinking_ was more like it--into a chair just outside the viewing room. It had took some doing, but the hospital agreed to let them view their father because of Leon's being away at his passing. Now they were here, just outside the viewing room and Leon refused to go in.  
  
"Leon, come _on_." she said sternly, holding back more than she usually would have. "They're waiting."  
  
"I...I don't know..." Leon said. He sighed deeply. "...Mom, how did he...what did...when...why..."  
  
"It was his heart." Mrs. Kennedy finished softly. "You know how it had been giving him more trouble recently..."  
  
Lalaine sniffed. "I want to go outside. I hate being here!" Without another word, she leapt up and rushed down the hall. Immediately, Leila rose and followed her.  
  
Lanna took a deep breath and swallowed. "She was there with mom when dad's heart gave out."  
  
Leon's head jerked up so suddenly from his half-crippled pose that Claire jumped a little. "Lalaine was the only one with him?"  
  
"Mom was--"  
  
"Where were all of you?" Leon demanded before Lanna could finish.  
  
Lanna just glared at him. How _dare_ he ask that question! As if they all were off doing selfish things rather than to be with their dad.  
  
"I was at _work_, Leon." she said, rather stiffly. She brushed a thick curl behind her ear. "I was working later than I had intended. It's hard being a counslor."  
  
"Why don't you just tell those kids at the school what my counslor told me? 'Yes, Mr. Kennedy, you're grades are low? Why go to summer school? You could just drop out.' "   
  
"Well, I take my job seriously." Lanna said evenly, not wanting to stir up anything. She took enough of these problems from kids, she didn't need it from her twenty-eight year old brother.  
  
Leon hung his head.  
  
"Are you going to see dad, or not?" Lanna snapped, not being able to stare at the sharp contrast the drab, depressing hospital walls made compared to his red hair.  
  
"Can't you _wait_?!" Leon snapped right back.   
  
At his sharp ejaculation, Lalique stood. "Why do you always need to bully Lanna around?! _You're_ the one that's never here!"   
  
"Laliq--" Lanna began.  
  
"No! Leon's being a _jerk_!" Lalique glared at Claire and spoke as though Leon weren't there. "I hope you know what you're getting into. He's _such_ a _baby_!"  
  
"You know what--" Leon was about to start in on Lalique but Claire squeezed his shoulder firmly.  
  
"Leon." was all she need to say and Leon suddenly looked semi-normal again. The crazed, half-gone look in his eyes vanished and he vaguely resembled someone who had just woken up from a dream. "Leon, they don't mean anything. They're just trying to help."  
  
"Yeah, but--"  
  
"This is hard for them, too." she said gently. "Tearing into each other isn't going to help."  
  
Crestfallen, Leon huffed at her. "Wow." His mouth was closed but he seemed to be massaging his front teeth with his tongue. "You know, I always knew women traveled in packs but I didn't expect you to start hounding me."  
  
With that, he stood up and headed into the doorway.  
  
"Leon--" Mrs. Kennedy called after him.  
  
"I'm going to see my father." Leon shouted over his shoulder.   
  
His reaction was so _like_ him that Lanna looked at her mother and they had a laugh; not a happy one, not even close. Just a laugh that released some of the tension in their bodies. Lanna caught Claire's eye and saw that tears had formed in the girl's eyes.  
  
"What's wrong?" Lanna asked.  
  
"Nothing." Claire replied, wiping away the moisture with her palm. "He's just...never... I've never seen him like this. It doesn't seem...possible."  
  
Lanna sat down next to her. "Don't look as though you've caught Mickey Mouse smoking in the back of Disneyland. Leon...he's... he's a great guy. He's just always been really emotional."  
  
Claire looked little comforted and Lanna just had to smile a little. This girl really seemed to have it bad for her brother... she had no idea why. Leon was... God, what _was_ it about him? He could be sweet and funny and caring but then, sometimes you just wanted to kill him. Most of the time, that was what she and her other sisters felt like doing.  
  
"Don't worry about him, hon." Lanna said, patting Claire's shoulder. "He'll be fine. No matter how far off base they are, Kennedy men always come around."  
  
A minute later, Leon returned; his expression frighteningly blank and he stood in front of them. His eyes were dry but it looked like it was taking some effort for him to keep from falling apart. He didn't speak for what seemed like a long time. Then finally he looked up and gave a slight smile. "So... where to next?"  
  
Mrs. Kennedy looked thoughtful. "We should go to Peaceful Palms to select a coffin. Just to get it out of the way." She added quickly for Leon's benefit as much as her own.  
  
"Okay... let's go." Leon said.  
  
He didn't say anything to Claire, just took his mom's arm and steered her out. "Don't worry, mom. I'll take care of everything. Dad would have wanted me to take care of all the girls."  
  
"Now, Leon... you don't have to..." Their conversation drifted, the two of them leading Lanna, Lalique and Claire down the hall.  
  
"You all right?" Lalique asked Claire.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine." Claire said weakly. "I'm just remembering when my parents died. It... It hurts to see Leon going through the same thing. All of you... feeling the same way I felt."  
  
Lanna smiled. Leon never really had great taste in anything besides guns and action movies, but he seemed to have picked a winner with this Claire-girl. No matter how much the both of them said there was nothing between them.  
  
"Well, I'm glad you came along." Lanna said. "And I'm sure that even though Leon isn't showing it right now, he's glad too."  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
The steps were too high, the walls were too narrow, it was a claustrophobic's worst nightmare. Leon felt slightly nauseated as they climbed the sharp steps that led from the mortuary's lobby up to the coffin displays. How strange. A coffin showroom. It seemed unbelievable that they would be looking for a coffin like they would be looking at buying a car. The aura of this place was depressing. A well-dressed woman with a friendly smile and an all too sympathetic voice had accosted them when they first walked in. The offices were small and all seven of them, plus the woman, filed into a room and sat on metal folding chairs. It was here that they spoke about funeral arrangements. Lalique and Lalaine grew restless and fidgeted noisily. Leon couldn't blame them. If he had been fifteen years old, he would have done the same thing. But he wasn't fifteen years old anymore. He was twenty-eight, and like it or not, he'd have to be strong for his sisters and mom. All the girls in the family had to be protected.   
  
As chauvinistic as the thought was, he didn't care. His father had always told him that when he died... Leon wasn't to cry, he was the man of the house now... he was to make sure that his mother didn't allow food serving at the nightly rosaries, that his sisters and mom were okay and that... that his Uncle Ralph didn't try to horn his way in on his mother. Well, actually that was only one of _Leon's_ fears should his dad pass away. Leon groaned at that thought and leaned his elbows on his knees. He was staring at the ground when he felt Claire's hand on his own.   
  
Looking up, he saw Claire smile at him. There was no possible way that she could have known that it wasn't being in the mortuary that was bothering him. At least at the moment. He gave her a nod and looked back down at the ground. The details were planned, the obituiary would be drafted roughly some other day and that was when they were being shuffled through the small stairway that led up to the coffins.   
  
It was amazing to see how many coffins could be put into this small little space. Three coffins lined the walls of the cul-de-sac to the left, coffins for little children were on the right and the rest of the caskets were lining the other walls. There were also three or four down the center of the room. God, this place _reeked_ of depression. One could barely breathe in this place.  
  
"Lanna, I think dad would want that one." Leila suggested facetiously and pointed at the display of an Egyptian sarcophagus placed along the wall, guarding over the phone.  
  
The girls allowed themselves a small giggle all around and even Leon had to smile. Then he headed to his mother's side and listened to what the lady was telling them about the white casket on display. Or at least tried to. He couldn't help feeling disgusted with himself. Why couldn't he have been there? If only he didn't live so far away.   
  
Around this time, the woman was showing them a peach coloured casket with a picture of a meadow on the inside. Leon cleared his throat, "Excuse me."  
  
Everyone was quiet as they looked at him. "Do you think we could see another one? This one looks too...it doesn't look right for my dad."  
  
The woman smiled and nodded. "Of course." She led them to the other wall and Leon started making little notes. _No, that's not right either. It looks like something a hooker would be buried in... that one looks like a friggin' Pepsi can, for God's sake. Where did these people get these things?_   
  
He stopped following them right beside a nicely carved casket with little statuettes of the Pieta inset in the corners.  
  
"That one's nice." He heard Claire say from beside him.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah... it's nice. You know... for a... coffin." Leon replied. "Gosh, look at the handles. The mechanics that they used to install the handles were... it doesn't look slapped on at all, does it?"  
  
Claire shook her head. "No... no it doesn't. Not at all."  
  
In the back of his mind he could have slapped himself for saying that. What the hell was the point of talking about the handles of a casket?   
  
"It's hard, isn't it?" She spoke up, looking uncomfortable.  
  
"Yeah." Leon said. "A little."  
  
Leon didn't know what to do at this point. The two always seemed to have something to talk about... but what do you say at moments like this? When you're in a funeral home looking for something to send your father home in? He had to say something, he felt he had to. To make things seem normal again. To put things in perspective. 'Come on, Leon.' he urged himself. 'Say something! Anything!"  
  
"God, I can't think with you around." Okay.... anything but _that_.  
  
Claire looked a little shocked but she just smiled and nodded in a way that reminded him of the actress Julia Roberts when she was just hit with a bolt from the blue  
  
"Oh. All right then, I--I guess I'll just wait you downstairs? Outside?" she said, backing away before turning around and walking down the stairs, disappearing from sight. 


	6. Twisted, Tortured, Tangled Hearts

Chapter Six:  
  
"I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, my boy." An elderly police officer said, as he patted Leon on the back. "He was a good man. Better than most."  
  
"He was." Leon said firmly.   
  
"I hear you're a cop now, too. Keeping the torch lit, eh?" Another friend of his father said. "You graduated in the top ten at the Academy, didn't you?"  
  
Leon paused. How could this man be so thoughtless as to bring up that subject? Who gave a damn whether he had graduated first and was the head of the police department now?   
  
"That was a long time ago, sir." he told him.  
  
"That didn't make a difference to Frank. Not one bit. No sir-ee." the man said. "He was so proud of you, you were all he could talk about three days out of the week."  
  
Leon froze. His previous apprehension was immediately forgotten. His nose began to sting as he remembered his father and Uncle Jake handing him a box wrapped up in paper with handcuff designs all around it. He knew instinctively what it was even if he had not felt the heft of the Desert Eagle inside the box. When he pulled the gun out and examined it, he saw in his father's eyes the pride that he was trying to hold back. He knew he was proud then, it was just that... somewhere along the line he forgot. Somewhere between the conspiracies and guilty consiences... Swallowing hard, he excused himself and headed away from the crowd. The church that night had been packed with ex-officers, veterans of the station and even some new boys on the force. His father had so many friends, he was such a great man... and he had to die because of a heart failure?  
  
Mrs. Kennedy was nodding with one of the wives of his father's friends. "Oh, Leon! Leon, come my boy. This is Uncle Ralph's new girlfriend. Morgan Smith."  
  
"Hello, Ms. Smith." Leon said, smiling but wanting to get away.  
  
"Hello, Leon." Morgan Smith said jovially. "You're Uncle Ralph talks about you all time. You'd have thought you were his own son. He and your father were very close--"  
  
"He isn't my father." Leon interrupted sharply. "I hope you're happy with him so that he'll never be." Leon could feel his mother cringe inwardly. "I'm sorry, Ms. Smith, it's just a real hard time right now."  
  
"I understand." she replied, nodding with sickly sweet sympathy.   
  
"My Uncle Ralph has just always been after my mom, ya know."  
  
"Leon. Honey, why don't you--"  
  
"Excuse me." Leon excused himself once again.  
  
Rushing through the milling crowd, he crossed around to the back of the church. Through the windows, he saw Claire with Lalaine and Leila gathering some of their belongings and talking with quiet smiles and amused expressions. Without stopping, he continued until he was sitting on a stair near the bathroom. What was getting into him? He hadn't even been thinking of half of the things he had said that night, wouldn't have given them the power of a voice if he had... words just tumbled from him and he was powerless to stop it.   
  
Leon's throat was dry and he struggled to swallow. His eye lids felt rough with the lack of sleep. He hadn't slept for nearly two days, nearly the same amount of time he'd been home. Last night had been the first night back in his house. And he had roamed the halls and stairs, checking on his sisters and mother and hesitating outside Claire's door, feeling ashamed for his ignoring her. He finally opened the door and peeked in and she was lying on her stomach, clutching his pillow against her like a child would clutch a teddy bear. She didn't smile in her sleep but you could tell she was peaceful... so peaceful you couldn't tell sleep from the dead.   
  
The thought sent a cold rush through Leon's body which he could not feel for the constant numbness that he was growing accustomed to. Being careful not to intrude upon her slumber, Leon tip-toed in and placed his hand lightly on her cheek. He could tell there was still warmth running through her but nevertheless he sat watching her for nearly ten minutes before returning to hall patrol.   
  
Footsteps approached him and he groaned. "Would you _please_ just lay off?"  
  
Claire back tracked a little and stammered. "Oh, okay. Um, I _was_ going to use the bathroom, but--"  
  
"Oh, Claire." he quickly glanced up and shook his head. "Um, go ahead."  
  
"Okay." Claire passed by him and headed to the small building with the door marked, 'Ladies'.  
  
The world was quiet for the three to four minutes that Claire left him alone except for the sound of the crickets chirping and playing that strange melody they always seemed to play in perfect harmony each and every night. The door re-opened and Claire appeared, drying her hands on a paper towel, which she promptly dropped in the waste basket before she left the bathroom.   
  
She made as if she were going to return to the milling people who were offering condolences but she surprised him by sharing his perch on the stair.   
  
"Hey, JFK." she said, smiling as she used a nickname she had for him. In the beginnings of their friendship, she had jokingly questioned him whether he came from the wealthy Kennedy branch and he had just laughed and told her that he wished.  
  
"Do my eyes deceive me? Or has the lovely Marilyn Monroe decided to grace me with her presence?"  
  
"No, it's just plain old Norma Jean." she replied, tossing her head. Her comforting hand on his back was the nicest thing he had felt all day. "Long day, huh?"  
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Hmmm."  
  
Claire cleared her throat and adjusted the hem of the black dress she had borrowed from Leila's closet. Afterward, she took a deep breath and release it. "It'll get harder."  
  
"Hmph." he sniffed, somewhere between a scoff and a weak chortle.  
  
"But I'm here for you. You know that, right?" she added, rubbing both of his shoulders encouragingly.  
  
"God... I'm surprised you're still talking to me."  
  
"Why? Because you've been moody? I don't blame you--just don't make it a daily thing."  
  
"No. I know. I know you've all been just trying to help me and all I've been able to do is whine and bitch about everything."  
  
"Well, we all forgive you. We do. Honestly, it's hard on everyone but they understand how hard it is on you, especially since you and your father were so close." she sighed. "Someone mistook me for a family member. He told me what a great man my uncle was."  
  
"He was a great man."  
  
Claire nodded. "You're superhero?"  
  
"He was superman." he told her firmly. With a sigh of his own, Leon rubbed his palms against his knees. "I don't think I could go out there again. I can't face those people."  
  
"Ohh, I _know_ you can." she crooned. "Just imagine they're all little kids. You can stand them for at _least_ an hour or so... isn't that right?"  
  
"I guess so..." Leon replied. "But I don't think I can do it alone."  
  
"Well, I can't carry you... but I can hold your hand through the whole thing." Claire's warm hand closed over Leon's cold one and she squeezed tightly.  
  
"I'm sorry." Leon said quickly.  
  
Claire helped him stand. "What for?"  
  
"Just... everything. I feel I owe you a separate apology."   
  
"And I say, once again, you're forgiven." she told him. "Now, put on a smile and greet the people."  
  
"Yes, ma'am."   
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Claire lay silent on Leon's bed, her breathing hoarse and uneven. Her stomach churned and rolled like a turbulent sea which threatened to swallow her in its depths. It was nearly three o' clock in the morning. For the past few hours she had been listening to the sounds of Leon roving about the house. Countless times he had past by the room she was in, his footsteps deliberate but tired. Why wouldn't he just get some sleep? He was going to kill himself...   
  
Suddenly turning on her side, Claire's stomach clenched and her heart leapt in her chest. Somewhere in the midst of all the emotional turmoil in the Kennedy house, her own feelings had become lost. She no longer understood how she was feeling about anything. Her worry for the safety of her brother was no where near the back burner, but her supporting Leon in his grief was taking up all her energy. She was taking a role of a surrogate mother to him whenever he needed it... and it wasn't the role she wanted to be cast in. Not when her heart was suddenly demanding more of her than it had ever demanded before.  
  
Sitting up, Claire glanced to the side and saw a picture of Leon in his football uniform. He was kneeling on one knee in the universal all-star pose, smiling brilliantly. Amazing... with all that had happened, that smile never lost its luster. A terrible pain, an awful yearning was building inside her; a feeling she had described to Jill Valentine one day as midway betwixt depression and loneliness. Jill had responded that the two were one in the same. Sitting in Leon's bed, his comforter tangled around her, Claire had to disagree. The two feelings were very much their own emotion and neither was willing to surrender her to the other's will.   
  
A stinging in her nose crinkled her features and she pushed away her thoughts. How could she be thinking like this? It was crazy. She was there to support Leon in whatever he needed. This was no time for her to be thinking of her needs. The self-chastizing didn't help as much as she thought it would and she felt useless once again.   
  
The door opened and a stream of light from the hallway flooded her view.   
  
"Claire? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were--"  
  
"No. It's all right." she said, looking at Leon's frame which filled the doorway. "Um... Did you need anything?"  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"No."  
  
"No?"  
  
"Uh, no. I just wanted to see if you were... all right... I guess."  
  
Claire smiled, grateful for the warmth that flushed over her by Leon's prescence.   
  
"You're eyes are red." Leon observed.  
  
"Are they?" she replied.  
  
"Just a tad." he said, stepping towards her. His weight made the bed bounce a little but Claire eased over to give him room to sit.  
  
"Thinking about Chris?" he inquired.  
  
"Yes." Claire lied.  
  
Leon murmured some understanding and looked at her curiously. "I never noticed this before but my room is pretty damn lonely."  
  
Claire had to laugh at that because she agreed. "You look tired."  
  
Leon smiled wearily and admitted he had not gotten much sleep as of late. That's not healthy. I know, it's just hard to sleep right now. What are you, my mother? And some other menial exchange of words before Leon asked if Claire was hungry. The two went downstairs and whipped up some oriental soup bowls which they ate in the living room on the couches the Kennedy girls kept neat and tidy. For a brief half hour, Claire's loneliness was eased as the two whispered quietly but most of the time slipped into an easy silence.  
  
Walking back up to Leon's room was a chore. She was tired but something else was bothering her. Slipping into the covers once again, Claire closed her eyes and tried in vain to invite Sleep to come. The sound of the door opening again interrupted her attempts and she was wide awake when she felt the weight of a body land on top of her. Struggling to pull away, she saw Leon's grinning face and an outraged giggle escaped her.   
  
"JFK, what the hell are you doing?" she said, pushing him away.  
  
Leon shook his head. "I'm tired."  
  
Claire nodded. "Me too."  
  
After some moving around, the two found a way to fit themselves on Leon's twin mattress.   
  
"Comfortable?" Leon chuckled.  
  
Claire nodded, feeling her heart lift and the heaviness melt away. For a few moments, Claire only heard the sound of his breathing becoming more and more even until she glanced back and saw he was sleeping. The gentle rhythm of his breathing served as a lullaby which lulled her into a soothing slumber. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven:  
  
Lalique sighed heavily as she looked at the black frock that was before her. Her lips puckered up and pulled to the side like the drawstring of a purse and she looked at Claire with an expression of profound disbelief. Claire held back a laugh and nodded. "I know what you mean, I wouldn't want to wear it either."  
  
"It's not that I care about how I look in it." Lalique rationalized, wringing her hands together. "It's just that...that...that _tent_ is a cheap, dowdy, matronly sack!"  
  
"It's better than the good girl-bad girl dress." Lalaine spoke up. Both Claire and Lalique looked at her, bewildered.   
  
With a mellow-dramatic sigh, she pulled out a knee-length cotton dress with a white collar. The side she revealed to them was a high neck-line that reminded Claire of something the pilgrim women wore as they journeyed to a new world. After a few moments, Lalaine turned the dress around to reveal the backside. It could easily have been mistaken for the front except that the neckline plunged drastically, a strict contrast from the other side.   
  
"See?" Lalaine explained, twisting the dress from front to back. "Holy and Ho."  
  
Claire laughed and shook her head. "This dress is fine."  
  
"You should look for a dress too." Leila told her, dropping an outfit into the cart they had. "Leon will pay for it."  
  
"Oh, he doesn't have to, I--"  
  
Leila smiled at her strangely before turning around and, with deliberation, led the girls to the next aisle of clothes. Claire was puzzled only for a moment before Leon appeared at the end of the narrow vista of clothes. He was looking intently at a pair of black slacks, obviously in deep cogitation.  
  
Claire walked over and looked at them. "Water and stain resistant." Claire read. "Wow. Really?"  
  
Leon frowned and shrugged. "We'll have to see, won't we?"  
  
At that moment, Lanna passed by with her cart and a drink in her hand. Leon grabbed the drink and spilled some on the slacks he held.   
  
"Leon!" Claire and Lanna exclaimed at the same time.  
  
"What?" Leon defended. "If I'm going to buy it, I want to make sure it works."  
  
Lanna shook her head. "Kid, you are _too_ weird." She took the rest of her drink, downed it in one gulp and headed down the next aisle.  
  
Leon looked down at the slacks again and brushed off the drops that remained. "Hey, lookit. It works."  
  
Claire rolled her eyes and Leon smiled. "Did you find anything?"  
  
"I'm not going to get anything." she replied. "I left my wallet at the house."  
  
Leon made a scoffing sound and shook his head. "Don't be daft. Just get something and I'll pay for it."  
  
"_Leon_, no." she fussed.  
  
"Claire, I'm very unstable right now. I caution you not to argue with me. It's not a problem."  
  
Claire didn't answer because she saw someone sneak behind and grab Leon around the neck.  
  
"I've got you now, Kennedy!" the guy said.  
  
Leon didn't flinch so much as he grimaced in annoyance. "Mason, if you're going to do the falcon neck bench, do it right."  
  
The man looked confused for a moment, allowing Leon to elbow him in the side and release himself from his hold. "What the hell are you trying to do?"  
  
"Just checking to see if you still got your instincts about you." the man said. He looked from Leon to Claire and did a double take. "Wow. A friend of yours?"  
  
Leon nodded. "Yeah, uh, this is Claire Redfield. Claire, this is Dan Mason."  
  
"Hello." she nodded.  
  
"Hey." Dan said with a lopsided smile.  
  
There was an overly polite silence in which Claire tried to tactfully ignore the mooneyes Dan was sending her.  
  
"So... Leon, is Dan a good friend of yours?" she asked.  
  
"Uh, I guess you could say that." Leon laughed.  
  
Tapping her foot on the linoleum floor, she pursed her lips before sighing. "You know what? I'm just going to check on your sisters to see if they need anything."  
  
"Okay. Get yourself something." Leon told her as she walked off.  
  
"You know I won't." she told him.  
  
"She can be so difficult at times." Leon told Dan.  
  
Dan chuckled. "I know how that can be."  
  
"How you been, Mason?"  
  
"Not too bad. Sorry I couldn't make it to the church last night."  
  
Leon shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Your dad told me you were on your shift at the firehouse. You know, I can't believe the kid I used to play cops and robbers with is a fireman."  
  
"Well, at least I like what I do." Dan said jokingly. "Unlike some people who just do jobs for the uniform. Although I must say, it certainly works."  
  
A blank look crossed Leon's face. "What?"  
  
"The uniform. That Claire must have taken to it right away, huh?"  
  
Leon forced his expression to be completely neutral despite the intense desire to frown. He kept his voice light and pretended to examine the rack of clothes in front of him. "Dan, you bastard. You and your insinuations."  
  
"Is she a _good_ friend?" Dan asked. "Like, as in she could be _more_ than a friend?"  
  
"Claire Redfield and I are nothing but pals."  
  
Dan gave a hearty laugh. "Sure, Kennedy. How long have you known her."  
  
"I don't know. About four, five years, give or take a month or two."  
  
Dan leaned over as if he were going to reveal something highly confidential. "So... have you bonged her yet?"  
  
Leon shoved his fist into Dan's shoulder.  
  
"Damn, Kennedy! That fucking hurt." Dan exclaimed, clueless as to the intention behind Leon's action.  
  
"Sorry. Reflex." he said, pulling back. "But no, we haven't--I haven't--"  
  
"Never? Four years and you never banged her once?" Dan looked thoughtful. "Do you mind if I have a go--"  
  
Leon grabbed Dan by the collar and shook him violently. "_Fuck_ you--"  
  
"Easy, man. I was just joking." Leon released him with a heavy shove before turning away. "God, you really have something for her if you're going to take everything I say the wrong way."  
  
"Nobody talks about her that way."  
  
Dan rolled his eyes. "Geez, okay, I catch the drift, she's _your_ woman, I'll lay off."  
  
Leon blinked rapidly and looked at Jake. "She's not my woman, she's very much her own person."  
  
Sniffing haughtily, Dan gave sarcastic grin. "Sure, Leon. Keep telling yourself that. Women really go for that innocent, good-guy ruse."  
  
Dan said his farewell before heading off, probably grateful to be leaving. Leon, on the other hand, was left with a strange feeling in his stomach. He really went off the meter when Dan said those things. And why shouldn't he have? No man had a right to even talk about a woman that way... and yet... there had been something inside him that broke. Like a wild, animal instinct he had never known existed inside him... He didn't like how the feeling was somehow kin to jealousy. From a few aisles down, he heard Claire talking with Lanna and Leila about their jobs and he suddenly a calm rush over him. It was probably nothing. Claire was very close to him. It was probably just over protectiveness acting up. At least he hoped so...  
  
****************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Sound filled the Kennedy household a few hours later when they all returned from shopping. From the kitchen came the sound of female chatter as Lanna, Leila and Claire sat around the island bar waiting for the spaghetti sauce to finish simmering. From right above the ceiling of the living room was loud rock music blaring from Lalaine's room as she and her best friend somehow managed a conversation through the racket. Just outside the door was Mrs. Kennedy telling Lalaine to lower the volume. And from up in the attic came graceful strains of piano music as Lalique practiced her daily ballet routines. The only place where there was a smidge of peace was in the living room where Leon sat on the couch, looking at a bunch of old photo albums.  
  
Leon smiled fondly as he reminisced about the good old times he and his dad had. Page after page and album after album was filled to the brim with pictures of precinct picnics (they rarely had time to go on regular outings because of his father's beat), rare family vacations and pictures of their first communions and confirmation. Leon smiled at pictures of his father and frowned slightly when ever his Uncle Ralph turned up. The man would turn up every now and then whenever Leon put his guard down; He was forever creeping closer and closer towards his mother, being separated at the last moment by Frank Kennedy, who always knew what was going on.  
  
"You don't really like your Uncle Ralph, do you?" a soft voice asked from Leon's left.  
  
Leon glanced up to see Claire standing beside him. "No, uh, I never really did."  
  
Claire smiled and sat beside him. "May I ask why?"  
  
Leon shrugged. "God, I don't know. I just remember that for the longest time I've had this... this... this--"  
  
"Animosity towards him?"  
  
"Right, right this animalsitry tow--"  
  
Claire laughed, "That's ani-mo-sit-ee, Leon."  
  
"Tomato-tomahto." Leon replied.  
  
Claire leaned back. "You've been awfully quiet today. Why don't you help in the kitchen? It'll help get your mind of things."  
  
"Claire, whenever I want to get my mind off my father, I'll do it. Right now, I just want to remember him."  
  
Nodding, Claire sighed. "I wish I had known him."  
  
"I wish you had, too." Leon chortled softly. "You would have loved him. He was forever telling jokes, stories and he was brave, smart and...and all the things that I always hoped I'd be when I grew up."  
  
A gentle hand on his shoulder was the first response before Claire whispered softly, "But Leon, you're _all_ of those things."  
  
"No." he shook his head. "Not by a long shot."  
  
"Oh, Leon..." Claire rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
"I mean, I'm not even secure enough to brush off whenever someone makes a comment about you."  
  
Claire lifted her head and frowned at him. "What?"  
  
Damn. He hadn't really meant to say that out loud.   
  
"Nothing, never mind."  
  
"No, you tell me." Claire demanded.  
  
Leon sighed nervously. "Well, Dan just... he had this... this... _idea_ about us, you know? And then he started saying all these _things_ and, you know? I should have handled it better but I lost it and--"  
  
Silencing him before he started spinning off into another dimension, Claire placed a hand over his mouth and shook her head. "Boys will be boys."  
  
"Yeah, but--" Leon mumbled, his voice muffled by Claire's hand. She removed it and looked at him.   
  
"What did you do anyway?"  
  
"I don't even know. I just know I kept pushing him and--and, I just wasn't myself. It was almost like I was... I was..."  
  
Claire seemed completely intrigued by every single syllable that came out of his mouth and he looked away.  
  
"It was almost like you were _what_, Leon?" she coaxed. "Like you were... come on, _what_?"  
  
"Oh, come on, you already know. You're going to make me _say_ it?"  
  
"Well, how else will I know I'm right? Come on, spill."  
  
Leon held his tongue for a few more seconds than let up. Who cared anyway? "I guess I was... I was just jealous."  
  
There was a long pause in which Claire only stared at him. He wasn't looking at her but he could see her out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"You were jealous?"  
  
Leon looked at her squarely and was shocked by how penetrating her gaze was. It was almost as dangerous as looking into an eclipse.  
  
"Why would you be jealous?"  
  
"Because he could say things that I can't." Leon told her. "I mean, not that I'd say them in the same, degrading way he was saying them but I just meant, like, in it's whole--"  
  
"Leon, would you just _shut-up_?" Claire demanded.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"So I can work up the courage to do something." her tone was irritated and Leon worried he might have said the wrong thing.   
  
"What?"   
  
Instead of answering him, Claire pressed her lips to his. It wasn't anything big or demanding. It was a little forceful in the beginning but after a few seconds, her lips became soft and gentle. The whole feeling was surreal. Without even realizing it, Leon's eyes closed and he held her cheek in one hand and twirled her soft hair around his other. There wasn't any tongue action, just a sweet, honest kiss that made Leon wonder why he hadn't thought of this sooner. Four years he had known Claire and he never once ever tried to...not even at Christmas parties. When she pulled away, Leon didn't make her move too far; he just held her close and looked deeply at her. The numbness he had grown accustomed to washed away and warmth flooded over him. It was a nice feeling after being cold for so long.   
  
"Where did _that_ come from?" he wondered.  
  
"It's just been building up." Claire replied, dazed.  
  
Leon nodded. "It was nice."  
  
"Very."  
  
"I want to kiss you again."  
  
"Would you?" Claire asked with a coy smile.  
  
Leon pulled her towards him, with the intention of turning this one into an open-mouth kiss when the door opened suddenly. Inside stumbled Leon's Uncle Ralph. His eyes were bloodshot and he reeked of the heavy stench of booze. Leon's Uncle Jake, who was straining from the weight of his younger brother, was practically carrying him.   
  
"Uncle Jake! What the--?" Leon eased away from Claire and stood up. "What happened?"  
  
"He was just at my house, boy. He got into the liquor cabinet and just... he's just hammered."  
  
"How did he get here?" Leon asked, helping his Uncle Jake to carry his other uncle.  
  
"He left the house without us knowing. I'm sorry boy, I know this upsets you."  
  
"Never mind me. I don't want my mom or sisters to see him like this--"  
  
"Where's Mary?" Uncle Ralph slurred loudly. "I want to see Mary."  
  
Claire cringed as she saw Leon's muscles tightened and she knew that he would like nothing more than to drop his drunkard uncle right on his ass but he restrained himself.  
  
"Should we get him back to his house, Uncle Jake?"  
  
"If you would just help me to get him back in the car. Your other uncles and I will take care of him."  
  
"Mary?! Where's Mary!" was the insistent rant that Uncle Ralph bellowed throughout the house.   
  
"She's not home, Uncle Ralph." Leon muttered, groaning against the drunken man's protests.  
  
"Leon?" Mary Kennedy's voice came from the top of the stairs.  
  
"Mary?!"  
  
"Leon, who is down there?"  
  
"Um, it's just Uncle Ralph and Uncle Jake, mom."  
  
"Well, what do they need?" She descended the stairs and froze when she saw how sloshed Uncle Ralph was.  
  
"Ralph, are you all right?"  
  
"Mary!" Ralph broke away from Leon and Jake's grasp and stumbled towards her. "I know you think I'm a good-for-nothing, but the thing is, I love you. I've always loved you, ever since Frank brought you home to meet mom and dad for Christmas."   
  
Mrs. Kennedy's face turned four shades of pale and her eyebrows shot straight up. "Um, Ralph, you know--"  
  
"I don't want to be disrespectful to you or--or--or to your kids, but I need you. I held myself back because of my brother, but he's gone now. If you want, we could---"  
  
"THAT'S IT! _GET OUT!_" Claire had been wondering when Leon would interrupt his uncle's revelation. She had been looking back and forth betwixt Mrs. Kennedy and Ralph and Jake and Leon. Both Leon and Jake looked frozen with shock, their mouths hanging open but a higher degree of outrage was detectable in Leon's eyes. And his mother seemed even worse.   
  
Her complexion was a ghastly white and she looked faint and Claire worried she might pass out. She tried to speak once or twice but no words seemed to come out.   
  
"Momma, what's happening out here?" Lanna called, entering from the hallway. "Oh, I--" she trailed off when she saw how flabbergasted everyone was.  
  
"GET _OUT_, RIGHT NOW!" Leon screamed. "I swear to God, I will throw you out myself! How dare you do this to my mother now? Can't you see she's still grieving, you bastard?!"  
  
"Leon," Mrs. Kennedy admonished, trying to lecture as a mother and recover as a woman at the same time. "He doesn't know what he's saying."  
  
"I don't care, I'll kill him if he doesn't get out right now." Leon yelled, his eyes dark and terrifyingly narrow.   
  
"Ralph, let's _go_." Jake said, grabbing him around the shoulders and hauling him towards the door.   
  
"Mary hasn't answered me yet!" he blubbered.  
  
His nostrils flaring, Leon started in with, "You sonofa--"  
  
"Leon, calm down!" Claire found herself scolding him. "The last thing we need is for you to lose your head."  
  
Leon glared at her. "You know what, _you_ can calm down. I've had it up to _here_ with this guy. You haven't known him as long as I have. You don't see him on holidays looking at your mother like he's undressing her with his eyes. You don't lust after your brother's wife, damn it!" The last remark was directed at his discombobulated uncle and there was a clatter from the stairs. Lalique and Lalaine appeared, looking questionable and frightened at all the noise.  
  
"Momma..." Lalique said, her voice wavery and thin. "Momma, what's going on here?"  
  
"Good news, girls!" Uncle Ralph announced in a grandiose manner, his arms thrown back. "I'm gonna be your new daddy!"  
  
"I'M GOING TO _KILL_ YOU!" Leon roared, charging toward him.   
  
Without thinking, Claire lunged in front of Leon and pushed him back and held onto him.  
  
"Leon, stop, think about this."  
  
"I don't have to think about it, I know exactly what I'm going to do!" he squeezed her shoulders and was about to push her back when he realized who he was talking to and calmed down just enough to fight back whatever impulse he had. "He doesn't have any right to do this to my family. It's only been four days and already he has the nerve to come to my house--"  
  
"I know--"  
  
"--drunk as hell, and starts this rambling about how he wants to be my new father--" Leon glared at Ralph. "You're NOT MY FATHER!"  
  
Lanna and Leila rushed over to help Claire hold Leon back and the two younger girls comforted their mother. From the doorway came a few of the neighborhood boys and their fathers.  
  
"Is everything all right?" one man asked.  
  
"Everything's FINE!" Leon barked.  
  
"What do you think?" Snapped Lalaine.  
  
"It's just a little argument. Our uncle is a little drunk. We need some assistance in getting him back to my Uncle Jake's car, please?" Lanna spoke calmly, instructing the men, who nodded and followed as she said.   
  
His Uncle Ralph ranted and raved all the way to the car and the girls made sure to hold onto Leon until he was out of sight before they rushed over to help their mother. She assured them she was all right although she was clearly shaken and troubled. Claire stayed with Leon, who was leaning against the wall, shooting darts into the ground with his gaze.  
  
"Leon, I--" she reached out to touch his arm, but he jerked away and paced the floor wildly. "Leon, please, talk to me."  
  
"You see, that's the thing, Claire. I don't want to talk. Not right now. Not after this. Maybe not ever." He glared at her and shook his head. "I need to go for a walk."  
  
He swiveled around and headed out the still open door. Claire took a deep, heavy breath and grabbed his jacket from the coat rack and headed after him. "Leon, at least take a jacket, you'll freeze to death out here."  
  
"I don't care.," he snapped. "Don't follow me. I need to think."  
  
"But Leon, you can't--"  
  
"I _said_ I need to think. I need space, I need time away from you."  
  
Why didn't he just take a knife and stab her in the heart? Or take a bullet to her head? Anything, any form of execution or torture would have hurt less than what he said. Leon took a deep breath when he saw the look of exquisite pain in her eyes.  
  
"Claire, I didn't... I didn't mean _you_ I just, I need to think. I need to be away from everybody--I--"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Claire said shortly. She looked around, biting on her bottom lip before looking down at his jacket and throwing it at him. "I still don't want you to freeze your ass off, so just take it, would you? Then you can go think all you want."  
  
Without looking at him, she turned on her heel and stalked back into the house. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight:  
  
The smell of lemon permeated the air of the little office and Claire glanced around, feeling downcast that she was back in the depressing funeral home. The whole building with its butterscotch tiles and toffee walls and one room carpeted with deep blue was the most upsetting place to be. Whether you lost someone you loved or not. Claire silently pitied the people who had to work in this place day in and day out. To her right, Claire heard Lalaine sniff lightly. Absently, Claire took a Kleenex from the desk in front of her and handed it to the girl. She took it without fuss and said in a disgusted tone, "I _hate_ being here."  
  
Claire smiled grimly. "I know what you mean."  
  
Lalique leaned over from the other side and whispered, "Thanks for being here with us. Especially since our loser brother isn't."  
  
"Don't even mention it." Claire told her and shared a side grin with Leila. Lanna and Mrs. Kennedy were agonizing over the obituary, wondering which family members were to be put in and which to be left out.  
  
"Our brother doesn't deserve you, Claire." Leila teased, leaning over to glance at the obituary draft her sister and mother were working on. "Don't forget to put Uncle Greg and Auntie Tonie."  
  
"Oh, God, thanks for reminding us." Lanna said, looking relieved. "You know how offended they'll feel if we don't include them as dad's surviving family."  
  
Shaking her head, Claire laughed, "For the last time, Leila, and everyone in this room for that matter, there is nothing going on between Leon and me."  
  
In perfect unison, so perfect, in fact, that it seemed planned, the girls replied with, "Uh-huh."  
  
"Now, you guys, I'm being serious. Leon and I are just friends. And I think all this pressure you're putting on our relationship is getting on his nerves."  
  
Lanna snickered as she marked down something on a piece of paper. "Oh, but that's what makes it so much fun!" she looked up mischievously at her mother, "So, uh, do we add Uncle Ralph's name to the list?"  
  
Mrs. Kennedy shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Don't be smart now, Lanna."  
  
"I'm just asking." Lanna shrugged, and then glanced quickly at her sisters.  
  
"Wow, I wish Leon was as easy-going as the four of you." Claire remarked.  
  
"Leon's always been so dramatic. Probably some disease he got at birth by being the only boy or something."  
  
"He didn't come home last night." Claire pressed. "Shouldn't we be calling someone to look for him? To see if he's all right?"  
  
Lanna shook her head honestly. "Trust us, Claire. He's stomped off more than enough times when we were kids. Each and every time he's either gone to his friends' houses or to our Uncle Jake's house or the park or some other place God knows where. In any case, he's always safe and sound. I wouldn't worry about him too much." Lanna finished, looking a little worried herself but hiding it very well.  
  
Claire nodded as if she agreed and looked away. The truth was she wished she could push Leon out of her mind as easily as his sisters could. All through the night she had worried where he was and how he was doing. Was he not warm enough? Had gang members attacked him? Was he lying helpless in a narrow valley somewhere? This worrying went on for about an hour before it was replaced by indignation and irritation that Leon could take her so wrong. Every now and then she thought of the kiss they had shared just mere moments before they had been interrupted. But that memory was fleeting at best because it was so brief. In fact, Claire began to doubt it had ever happened because of how short it was and how big the event was that followed it. With all the cogitations going on in her head, it wasn't any surprise when she glanced out her window and saw it was morning and she hadn't gotten one wink of sleep.   
  
But now wasn't the time for pitying herself. She couldn't be depressed about Leon. The reason she had gone with him was to help in any way she could. Chiefly, she wanted to help Leon but if he didn't want her help, she wasn't going to force herself on him. She could only wait to see if he needed to talk to her, she couldn't make him open up about anything. So it was with this thought that carried Claire through the morning and gave her the energy to go with Leon's sisters and mother to finish up the rest of the preparations for the funeral.  
  
It was pretty obvious that the Kennedy girls hadn't gotten much sleep either but the two eldest were so good at looking cheerful and fresh that Claire swore they had just stepped out of a magazine ad. The two younger ones were less gifted at hiding their fatigue and after nearly half an hour of the cold, depressing office, they were half-leaning on Claire's shoulders, their eyelids fluttering rapidly as they battled with sleep.  
  
It felt nice to be needed, Claire realized. Especially by people she hadn't known very long yet welcomed her in their company to aid them in anything they needed. Claire began to think back to the day she and Leon arrived. There had been a few tears that the family shared but for the most part, they held their independence and kept strong. They didn't hang on Leon or any other male figure for their support. Leon had wanted to do what he thought his dad wanted him to but taking care of his sisters and mother. But how could he do that when they were doing just fine and didn't need him to carry them through this time? Claire began to see a little of the frustration Leon felt. It was down right maddening to feel like a third wheel and not be visibly needed. Leon felt that he, as a boy, had to be the paragon of strength and he had to be solid as a rock. He was feeling useless. A lot like how Claire had been feeling. Claire was finally seeing another part of the picture and the cause for Leon's moodiness.   
  
After another hour, they were back in the house, lying around listlessly. Lanna was upstairs in her room sleeping, Leila had gone out to meet with an old friend looking like she would rather be heading to the dentist for a root canal and Mrs. Kennedy was outside on the porch with her sisters talking over a cup of tea. This left Claire with Lalique and Lalaine who had sank into a deep stupor; Lalaine was sprawled on the beige carpet of the living room, picking at little pieces of lint. Lalique, upon entering the house had thrown herself onto a big armchair and had stayed in the same position throughout her occupation of the comfy recliner. The only sound that came out of her was a deep sigh every few minutes.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, Lalaine snapped her head up. "Could you please stop that irritating noise? God, it's driving me crazy."  
  
"Then don't listen to it." Lalique retorted, rolling her eyes and cleaning her nails.  
  
"I could, if you weren't so loud." Lalaine snapped. Claire had sunk into a trance herself and all she could do for this part of the argument was look back and forth betwixt the two girls.  
  
"What's the matter with you, anyway? You've been irritable all day." Lalique remarked spitefully. "Why don't you pop a Midol or something?"  
  
"Yeah, well you know what you can go and pop." Lalaine spat out at her sister with such hatred that both Claire and Lalique paused and looked at her with concerned features.  
  
Lalique sighed. "I was only joking. God, I thought you were too."  
  
Lalaine's brow wrinkled and she laid her head on her folded arms. "I'm not in a joking mood."  
  
"Is something wrong?" Claire asked, when Lalaine shot her a Look, she added, "I mean, besides the obvious?"  
  
Lalaine licked her lips and nodded stiffly. "But it isn't a big deal."  
  
"Well, then what is it?" Lalique prodded.   
  
For the first time since Claire had met her, Lalaine crumpled up and a look a pure torture warped her smooth features. "It's Nona."  
  
"Your best friend?"  
  
"Best friend my foot." Lalaine replied. "You remember that guy I liked? Seth?"  
  
"Uh-huh?" Lalique urged, with a side look at Claire. "Didn't he have a girlfriend?"  
  
Lalaine scoffed. "Yeah, I found that out the day I told him I liked him. Well, you won't believe who his girlfriend is."  
  
Claire girded her stomach because she knew exactly what was coming.   
  
"Nona?" Lalique replied.  
  
"YES!" Lalaine exclaimed. "Can you believe it? It turns out that they've been seeing each other since that day we all skipped school-"  
  
Both girls looked suspiciously at Claire, who started.  
  
"Oh, don't worry about me," Claire told them, raising her right hand. "I won't tell anyone. I've done that a couple of times myself."  
  
"Right." Lalaine nodded. "Well, they've been seeing each other for that long. I told Nona about how much I liked him and she still never told me about them. She said she didn't want to hurt me."  
  
"Well, that's stupid." Both Lalique and Claire remarked at the same time.   
  
"She hid it from you." Lalique said.  
  
"And she should have been honest from the start, hiding it only makes things worse." Claire added.  
  
"They should have had the guts to at least shoot you from the front instead of stabbing you from behind." Lalique threw in.  
  
Lalaine looked blankly at the two of them for a few long moments. "Um, I wasn't quite finished."  
  
"Oh, sorry. Go ahead."  
  
"Anyway..." Lalaine started then trailed off again. "Never mind. You pretty much covered everything with what you said."  
  
"How are you feeling, though?" Claire asked her.  
  
Lalaine shrugged. "I don't know, bad, I guess, but I'll survive. Worse has happened, ya know."  
  
Claire nodded, worse did happen in life... but still, when your best friend does something like that to you, it was enough to mess you up inside.  
  
"You need to cheer up." Lalique said sprightly after a moments pause. "Come on up to the attic-you too, Claire."  
  
"What are we going to do?" Claire asked, standing hesitantly.  
  
"Exercise!"  
  
Lalaine groaned and buried her head in her hands. "Oh, GOD, I just want to lie around here feeling sorry for myself for a little while, is that too much to ask?"  
  
"Come on, if it will make you feel better, I'll do that interpretive dance to that song you like so much." Lalique encouraged. "The angry one by Eminem."  
  
"Which one is that?" Claire asked.  
  
"Stamp-"  
  
Lalaine blew a loud raspberry. "You dork! That's Stan. God, what is wrong with you?" she paused. "You'll do interpretive for that song? That'll be priceless."  
  
"For my sister, anything." Lalique said. "And then after that, we'll teach Claire ballet."  
  
Claire held back a nervous laugh. That seemed to get the girls out of their slump. And with all the energy pumping through them right now, she had a feeling that by the end of the day, she would have no problem sleeping through the night.  
  
Leon slouched in the passenger's seat of Dan's Hondae and popped the stiff muscles in his neck. The ride home was about as quiet as his night over at his old friend's house. For a few hours, Leon had wandered aimlessly through the streets bubbling with anger and rage. God only knows how he ended up at Dan Mason's house but Dan's live-in girlfriend, Teresa Chapman, welcomed him in. Teresa's presence was a shock to Leon, especially since she used to be his girlfriend in high school; and if he remembered correctly, she and Dan could never stand each other for very long.   
  
Awkward as the situation was, Leon spent the night on the hard, lumpy couch and in the morning listened to Dan and Teresa bicker over some incident the previous day when Teresa had flirted with some guy at the firehouse. Dan insisted she was messing around; Teresa assured him she wasn't. Dan was adamantly positive Teresa was "fucking around behind his back" and Teresa guaranteed him with loving affirmations that she was to the most untainted degree, faithful to him. Dan left and the first thing Teresa did was make her move on Leon.  
  
Well, it may have been the first or second thing; she may have offered him a back rub without her clothes on before or after she spilled orange juice on his pants... Or she may have walked in on Leon in the shower right after she finished outlining the paper, Leon wasn't sure, he was no expert but one thing was for certain: he had to get out of there. He left the house in disgust and walked with his hands in his pockets wondering what on earth possessed people to do such things when they were supposed to be in love. His anger from the previous night had receded and he was now feeling the need to get back home.   
  
Dan had driven past him, claiming he had to pick up something at his house and offered Leon a ride home. And that's how he ended up in Dan Mason's Honda in the middle of the afternoon.   
  
"Seeya, Mason." Leon said as he shut the door behind him.  
  
"Sure thing." Dan said jovially. "Come over anytime you need anything."  
  
Leon turned away and the car started off. The house was quiet but the cars in the driveway told him that his sisters were home. As he opened the door, he could hear light piano music playing from the attic but what caught his attention was the sight of his mother sitting on the armchair his father used to sit on. She was a petite woman and the chair looked big enough to swallow her up but she sat in it, straight backed and looked at Leon firmly.   
  
"We have to talk." Was all she had to say and Leon was immediately sixteen years old again and caught creeping back into the house after sneaking out to hang out with his friends.   
  
Half sure she was going to ground him even though he knew she wouldn't, Leon sat across from his mother and heaved a sigh. Mary Kennedy was quiet for a few moments, gathering her thoughts, before she spoke.  
  
"Leon, I know this is hard for you." She said. "But you have to know that we are all here to help you."  
  
"I know." Leon said, frustrated. "Believe me, I know. That's practically all I've been hearing for the longest time, even from people who I haven't seen since I was fifteen. If I needed help dealing with dad, I'd ask."  
  
"I know you would, my boy. But I'm also talking about dealing with your Uncle Ralph."  
  
Leon groaned. "Mom, do we have to talk about him?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because he's a big issue right now. He's always been a big issue with you and I'd like to know why you hate him so much." Her mother looked so intense and so completely naïve to everything Leon had seen over the years. Could it be that she had never once even been suspicious of her brother-in-law's actions?  
  
"Mother, Uncle Ralph is not an issue. I don't give a damn about him."  
  
"For someone who doesn't give a damn, you sure threw a huge fit last night."   
  
Leon snapped up. "Mom, didn't you even hear what he said. He was drunk, he disturbed us when we should have been having some time to ourselves and then he starts saying all this-this shit about how he's going to be our new... God, I can't even say it." Leon threw himself back on the couch and bit his bottom lip. "He doesn't bother me."  
  
His mother was quiet again, trying to reach through all the words he had said and come up with some conclusion, some root of his problems. And just like the mother she was, that she always had been, she hit it right on. All she said was, "Your father was the only man in my life. I loved him. No one will ever replace him." And Leon felt his eyes start to sting and he looked away.  
  
"Leon?"  
  
Leon could speak; he was too choked up to. He had no intention to say anything for fear that the tears would start falling but words started tumbling out anyway.   
  
"He was supposed to dance with my wife at my wedding." Leon mumbled. "He was supposed to take me aside and tell me what a great woman I had been given and not to ever let her go." Tears fell and his mother was there to catch him in her waiting arms. "Then he was supposed to go over to you and sit with you all night, talking and looking so happy."  
  
"I know, sweetheart." She whispered, her voice shaky.  
  
"He was...supposed to see my first borne..." he continued, trembling violently and choking against the words. "He was going to be a grandpa..."  
  
"I know that, but he just couldn't stay any longer."  
  
"Well, why not?!" Leon demanded. "We were all supposed to be together when he left. I wasn't supposed to be three Goddamn states away!"  
  
Mrs. Kennedy didn't answer. It didn't matter because Leon didn't seem to want one.   
  
He only cried in her arms for a long time.   
  
"You have to forgive yourself." She said once he had calmed down and was lying listlessly on his side, his head on her lap.   
  
Leon shook his head. "I don't think I can. Dad was always there for me and the one time he really needed me I was gone."  
  
"Leon, there's nothing you can do. You can't change the past. But I know your father knows that you would have walked through fire to be there with him if it were possible."  
  
Leon couldn't respond but he was feeling much better seeing that at least his mom wasn't holding a grudge against him.   
  
"Mom, I want to go rest. Where's everybody?"  
  
"Oh, they're around." She said, with a light laugh. "This house is too big sometimes."  
  
Leon chuckled and rubbed at his eyes as he headed up the stairs. Once he reached the second story landing he picked up his pace and hurried to his room. He knocked on the door and cleared his throat. "Claire, are you in there." Silence from the other side and Leon slowly opened the door. The bed was neatly made, the shades drawn and the light off. Claire was nowhere in sight. About facing, Leon headed down the hall and knocked on the bathroom. "Claire?" he called. "Claire, we need to talk."  
  
The door opened and Leila came out with a toothbrush and wiping her mouth on a hand towel.  
  
"Where's Claire?" Leon asked.  
  
"Hello to you, too, Leon. I'm fine, thank you. And you?" Leila said brightly.  
  
"Sorry. Hi. How are you?" Leon replied quickly. "Is Claire around?"  
  
"Um...no."  
  
"No?"  
  
"No. She left." Leila replied.  
  
"Left?" Leon repeated, stunned. "Left where?"  
  
Leila shrugged.   
  
"Left where?" Pressed Leon. "Left temporarily, as in left to the store to buy bread or left permanently as in she left the country and is now teaching English in Prague?"  
  
Leila let out a short laugh and frowned. "That's kind of a long leap but, uh, I'm not sure."  
  
"Leila, don't mess with me." Leon warned.  
  
"Oh no, Leon. I think it's you that shouldn't mess with me. I just met with Charles DiMartino."  
  
"So what, Leila? I-Charles DiMartino? Isn't he your old-"  
  
"No. But anyway," Leila went on. "He's still the most annoying, desperately clingy man I have ever-"  
  
"That's great, Leila. Just don't rush onto picking out China patterns with him." Leon said. He swung around and headed down the hall and rapped on Lanna's door.  
  
Grumbling and sputtering, Lanna groaned. "What?"   
  
"Lanna. Open the door. It's important."  
  
A few seconds, and Lanna appeared looking bleary-eyed and very irritable.  
  
"Where's Claire?" he demanded.  
  
"God, Leon, I don't know. In Prague teaching English." She said.  
  
Leon frowned. "Uh, okay. We'll just move on past the irony in that statement as if you never made it. Come on, where is she? I have to talk to her."   
  
Lanna shook her head. "She went back home." She said seriously. "She got so upset at your display last night and blamed herself. She left this morning."  
  
The statement took awhile to sink into his head but once he did, Leon's heart sank.   
  
"W-what?" Leon asked, breathlessly.  
  
"She left this morning-oh, God look at your face. Honestly, kid, you are so gullible lately." Lanna said, letting out a loud giggle.   
  
Leon let her carry on with her laughter for all her cheap hit was worth before he said, "So... she's not in Prague teaching English? She's still here?"  
  
"In this very house. She up in the attic with the girls." Lanna said. "Sorry kid, I couldn't help myself."  
  
"Yeah. Right." Leon turned away, leaving Lanna in her hysterical laughing fit.   
  
The door to the attic was open and Leon could hear the music drifting down the narrow, steep stairway. Leon climbed up quietly and peeked in to see his younger sister coaching Claire in a bunch of steps.  
  
"Now, remember it's step, ball change, pas de boureé, triple pirouette, glissades, and grand jéte, land pretty."  
  
Claire blinked a few times before smiling widely. "You know what? I'm going to just...sit over there and let you do it. It looks much better when you do it."  
  
She looked up. "Oh, look. Leon's here! Carry on, girls."  
  
"You're such a liar." Lalaine said. "We've been up here an hour and you still haven't done your interpretive dance of Stan!"  
  
"What was that all about?" Leon queried as he and Claire headed down the stairs.  
  
"I'm hurting here!" Lalaine added.  
  
Claire sighed. "It's a long story."  
  
They reached the second floor and Leon turned to face her. She looked up at him evenly.   
  
Leon ran his hands through his hair sheepishly. "You know what? I've said 'I'm sorry' about a million times since we've been here but that doesn't mean the word has lost it's meaning."   
  
Claire nodded. "Go on."  
  
"And...I'm sorry."  
  
Claire nodded again. "For...?"  
  
Leon sighed and looked at the ceiling. She really knew how to make things hard for a man. "For being a dumb ass."  
  
Claire smiled. "You weren't being a dumb ass, Leon. In fact, you're actually kind of cute... once the initial desire to stun gun you in the balls wears off at least."  
  
Leon took her hand in his and pulled her closer. "Claire, before we were interrupted..."  
  
"Yes?" she asked.  
  
"I just...I wanted to say that I really meant-"  
  
"I know." Claire interrupted. "I feel the same way."  
  
She stood on tip-toe so that she could plant a kiss on Leon's cheek and Leon pulled her into a firm embrace; and it felt so nice to be that way he didn't know whether he would ever be able to let go. 


	9. What If

Chapter Nine:  
  
As laughter filtered through the cracks in the wall, Claire sighed contentedly and looked up at the night sky. She was sitting on the porch swing in the backyard-- had been for the past hour-- just thinking. About how she hoped Lettie (the office secretary at Harrison) would be sure to check the fax machine for the lesson plans she had sent out on Leila's computer; about how exhausted she was feeling; and about how wonderful it was not be stuck on that awful middle ground with Leon anymore.   
  
It was Sunday evening, a few days after Uncle Ralph's ill-timed disturbance, and he was doing a little better. The day had been quiet enough, no one quite wanting to do anything, but then again, they didn't want to stay cooped up all day. So the whole family opted for a lunch at the park. They were all in fairly good spirits except Lalaine, who was sour from an apologetic, sobbingly pathetic phone call from Nona just before they left. When Claire had handed Lalaine the telephone, all the girl had done was take the phone and without saying a word, place it by the stereo in the living room. A second later, "Bodies" by Drowning Pool came on. One by one the family fled the living room in an effort to abscond the much-detested music of its youngest member-except for Leon, who shared the same taste in music. The song ended and Lalaine picked up the phone, "Are you still there?" she spat acridly.  
  
A weeping, quivering voice came from the other line. "Laine! How could you? I just want to-"  
  
No one quite got to hear what Nona just wanted to do or say, for Lalaine hung up the phone and placed it back on it's cradle. Wordlessly, she went to the coat closet and pulled out her jacket.  
  
"Well, are we going to the park or what?" she asked before heading out the door. "Not that I want to go to the stupid park or anything but..." she continued her muttering as she stood outside.  
  
Leon smiled at Claire who reached for his hand.  
  
"Let's go everyone! The Kennedy Shuttle will be taking off in about three minutes!" Leon hollered up the stairs. "Move it or lose it, people!"  
  
Everyone poured out of the house, Leon sat in the driver's seat of the Lanna's SUV and waited for everyone to settle in it. Claire let Mrs. Kennedy sit in the front passengers seat and chose to sit in the back with Lanna and Leila who kept her company through the ride.   
  
Now the family was sitting in the living room with a bunch of visiting guests who wanted to check how they were doing before the funeral. Leon kept gravitating back towards Claire and, fearing that she was keeping Leon from entertaining visitors, she left the house to give them some space.   
  
The crickets were chirping vibrantly again tonight, the only sound to comfort her as the light of the moon was eerily absent, hidden behind dark, wispy clouds. Nights like this were awful. They were what got her thinking about Chris the most. When they were kids, their parents would camp out with them in the back yard and Chris would tell her ghost stories by the fire when their parents weren't looking. When she had trouble with schoolwork, Chris would be right there, suffering with English while she trudged through math. Her mother and father were the ones who helped her actually understand her work; Chris had no tolerance for teaching at all. He was kind of like Leon in a way...  
  
Groaning in frustration, Claire stood up from her location on the swing and leaned against the porch post and massaged her temples. It was too hard to do this. The not knowing whether her brother was dead or alive was just too hard to handle. It seemed that now, after the void with Leon had been filled, the place where her brother sat in her heart sucked up all the emptiness.   
  
She didn't know how long she stood on the porch, but it must have been pretty long because she realized it the door opened and Leon stepped out.  
  
"Hey," he greeted tiredly, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Hi there." She sighed; the corners of her mouth attempted to pull themselves up but it seemed impossible to form even a tiny smile. Leon was about to say something when he looked about him with slight alarm.  
  
"God, you must be freezing out here." He looked down and shrugged off the outer shirt he was wearing over a white tank. "You know, you didn't have to come out here. You could have just stayed inside with us."  
  
Claire finally smiled as he placed his shirt over her shoulders yet she didn't comment except to remark that he should be the one who worried about freezing. Tank shirts are pretty unforgiving when an icy wind sweeps by. Leon told her not to worry about him. She couldn't help it was the reply and he just laughed.   
  
"You're a little distracted." Leon observed after awhile, hugging her close to him.  
  
"Heh. A little?" she mused. "That's an understatement."  
  
"You want to talk about it?" he inquired, looking down at her.  
  
Claire shrugged listlessly. "It's the same old thing. Chris is gone. I don't know when or if he's coming back. I haven't heard from him in almost a year. Right at this moment, Umbrella's thugs could be torturing my brother. Or he could be dead. I don't know, Leon, all these possibilities are coming to my mind and none of them are pretty." Her throat constricted and she had a hell of a time swallowing  
  
"Apparently..." Leon trailed off.  
  
An involuntary shiver exploded inside her and she winced painfully. Leon's arms were around her in an instant and though she was certain she wouldn't have fallen apart if they hadn't been there she was grateful as hell that they were.   
  
"Let's go inside, everyone's pretty much in their rooms trying to get some rest for tomorrow. And Auntie Beth offered to let Lalaine and Lalique stay at her house for the night. Just so they could be with my other girl cousins their age."  
  
Claire simply nodded, not sure what to say. She just followed Leon into the house where they sat on the couch. Feeling guilty for putting such emphasis on her problems, she offered to make them some hot cocoa as coffee would put them on pins and needles the next day (not that they weren't already); Leon agreed and went to fetch extra pillows and blankets; he returned, tripping down the stairs and stumbling into the walls as he tried to maintain his balance after stepping on one of the comforter edges.  
  
"You didn't have to get them all at once." Remarked Claire, a soft smile on her face as she saw Leon struggling to keep his footing.  
  
"Yes, I did, Claire. I'm a guy. Keeping things as complicated as possible and making things harder on myself is in my job description."  
  
Rolling her eyes, Claire laughed. Leon's eyes were bright and alert, something that she wasn't quite expecting since the funeral was the next day. Or maybe he was finally adjusting to his dad being gone. Not everything that hurts deep down kills you, she had lived through enough to know that. She was feeling better because of Leon's good mood and decided to just go with it. It didn't make sense to fret over anything right now.   
  
Claire's stomach growled loudly as if in agreement to that thought and she looked at Leon. "Are you hungry?"  
  
"Starving." He replied with a grin.  
  
Wrinkling her nose, "Now Leon, as a teacher, I must correct you. The proper way to express your hunger is, 'I am famished', because you are not, as you say, 'starving' for you aren't wasting away from malnutrition."  
  
A blank stare, devoid of any sign of comprehension was all she received before Leon threw the pillow he was holding at her.  
  
"Aah! Hey!" she grabbed the pillow and hurled it back at him. "Jerk!"  
  
"Oof. How childish to resort to name-calling." Leon exclaimed, chasing after her with the pillow.  
  
A fit of giggles broke out as Claire ran from him, dodging behind the kitchen's island bar and jumping over the couch in an attempt to escaping his pillow-pummeling mission. It came to an end (sort of) when the kettle on the stove whistled shrilly and Claire, breathless and clutching her stomach, held up her hands.  
  
"Truce." She pleaded, a stitch in her side making her double over.  
  
"Alright, truce." Leon said. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah." She replied, straightening up.  
  
"Good." He told her, sending the pillow across her bum once more.  
  
"Leon! Didn't we just establish a truce?"  
  
Leon grew serious. "God, you're right. I'm sorry."  
  
"You're forgiven." She said, and then she slapped his shoulder and quickly crossed her fingers. "And you also have cooties!"  
  
She laughed merrily as Leon grew red and pouted. "Great. I haven't had that since the third grade. It's a frickin' epidemic." But he smiled and got Claire the hot cocoa mix from the pantry. They made a steaming kettle full of hot cocoa, which they set beside the mountain of pillows and blankets, along with a hodge-podge of sandwiches, cereal and other food you get simply by reaching into your fridge.   
  
"Camping in, carpet picnics, this is the life, huh?" Leon mused as he shoved a sandwich down his throat.  
  
"You said it." Replied Claire, gulping down some hot chocolate.   
  
Conversation didn't resume for a while after that last comment until they were both too stuffed to eat anymore. Leon let out a loud burp and Claire shook her head, "That was attractive."  
  
"Thanks." He said. Just then, Claire let out a belch that rivaled his own. "You're beauty is beyond comparison, my lady."  
  
Claire's response was to kick at his leg and rise to standing. She gathered all the plates and bowls and Leon followed suit. Once everything was cleared away, they returned to their little camping ground and lounged around for the next few hours. In the past, when she was just a teenager, Claire used to stay up all night long with her brother. When they stayed home, they talked about their social lives and any problems that they were facing. When they went out to eat they discussed music, movies and other pop culture. And when they were just plain bored and delirious with monotony, they took a quick trip to the closest Wally Mart and laughed their heads off in the Martha Stewart and book aisles. They would stay until almost three in the morning, the loudest people in Wal-mart, exclaiming over a remarkable chair or kick-ass stereo. This would continue until the manager came to explain about their policy of not allowing people under the influence to remain on store premises. She and Chris practically had to do a Breathalyzer test to prove they were completely sobre and weren't high on anything.  
  
"Do you think we'll have to become sleeping pill junkies to ever get a good night's sleep again?" Leon inquired, once again, bringing her back into the present.  
  
"Well, I don't doubt it." Claire remarked, yawning. "Are you tired?"  
  
Leon let out a yawn also. "Not really. You?"  
  
"Nope." She replied quickly. "I could go on like this for days."  
  
"Me too. I'm not sleepy." Leon sighed. "Just a little crazed."  
  
"How so?" yawned Claire.  
  
"Just those pesky 'what if' questions." He replied. "You know how they always creep up when you need them the least."  
  
"Uh-huh?"  
  
"Well, I think that now."  
  
Claire nodded, "Like, what if something happened to your mom or sisters?"  
  
"Yeah, like that." He replied then added, "But I also think of really weird stuff too, complicated things."  
  
"Complicated?"  
  
"Yeah. Like, I know you don't like to bring up the past," he warned. "But what if, just what if I had never been assigned to Raccoon that night-"  
  
Claire groaned, "Leon-"  
  
"No, really." He insisted, leaning forward. "Just, what if? Can you even imagine that?"  
  
After a moment of hesitation, Claire gave in. "I wouldn't be alive to day to be imagining it."  
  
"And what if I had gone to Raccoon and you hadn't? What if you had waited one or two days or never came at all? The slightest change in plans for either of us and we wouldn't know each other today."  
  
Claire forced a laugh, "Leon, you're thinking way too hard."  
  
"Laugh if you want but you've felt this way too, haven't you?" Taking her silence as agreement, Leon continued, "it's stupid, I know, but I don't even want to know how things would be if we had never met." He looked around, "I mean would we have been here, in the living room, sitting on a bunch of pillows and blankets? Would we have just eaten all that stuff in the refrigerator? Would we be talking right now?"  
  
His deep, insightful tone stole Claire's breath away. She'd never heard him sound so serious. This whole trip had revealed Leon's serious side, a side she'd never known existed. It also brought rise to a whole bunch of new feelings inside. Just what if? What if, what if, what if...   
  
"It scares me to admit this," Leon continued, he took hold of her hand. "But I really wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here. I can't imagine what my life would be like without you in it, even when we were only...I guess, only friends before. You're a big part of my life, Claire."  
  
Claire smiled. "And what if it hadn't stayed that way? If Chris had taken me along with him to Europe or I went to college across country?" She gripped his hand tighter. "Life sure is funny."  
  
After a warm, fuzzy moment in which Claire could actually feel the intensity, Leon leaned over and nuzzled her neck with his lips. The simple action sent shivers down Claire's spine and her eyes closed slightly just so everything blurred. Leon clenched both of her hands in his and pushed her against the pillows. As if on second thought, he stood up and went to the glass sliding door to pull the shades shut. He returned to her and kissed her with urgency, his tongue playing around her lips. Claire pulled her mouth away and placed her attention on Leon's neck and collarbone, her hands grasped eagerly at his back; the tension in his muscles heightened with every touch she gave and she felt her own body tense up as Leon slipped his hand under her tee-shirt.   
  
She sat up again and took off the Leon's outside shirt and tossed it aside. In a rush, she practically ripped off the buttons of her blouse before grabbing hold of Leon and flipping him over so that she was mounted on top of him. Leaning down, she kissed him and she felt his hand in her hair, pulling her ponytail out and she leapt away from him.  
  
"Oh, come on!" she exclaimed, giggling breathlessly. "You've seen me with my hair down plenty of times."  
  
"Not like this." Leon complained softly, his eyes full of longing and his breathing just as short as hers. "You're different tonight."  
  
A slow smile spread over her face, starting first on her lips before brightening her face and lighting up her eyes. With a playful toss of her head, she let her long brown hair fall softly to below her shoulders. A fiery look entered Leon's eyes; a look so full of desire and hunger that it frightened her for a moment. But then the same passion that seemed to possess him for those few seconds seemed to flood her and she grasped his hair and forced her lips on his.   
  
For five blind minutes, they allowed their passion to build; the craze of the four years past were unleashed and the blur of hands and press of muscles together nearly drove them over the edge. Claire cried out as Leon nibbled on her ear.  
  
"Leon," she moaned feverishly. "Oh God, I..."  
  
A grin spread over Leon's face as he lightly kissed the tip of her nose. "See? Cooties aren't so bad."  
  
Laying her back down, he massaged her body and kissed her face. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Like I've been numb for the past few years." She mumbled gently. "You?"  
  
"The same. You're bringing me to life." He whispered. "I don't know how you're doing it, but you are."  
  
Nearly crumpling at these words, Claire pressed herself against Leon's pounding chest and reveled at the feel of his heart beating against hers. The world was quiet except for their heavy breathing, making it seem as if they were the only two people in the entire world. But somewhere in this hot, solitary dimension they had formed, pieces of the real world broke through. Pain. Crying.  
  
"Leon," she groaned with concern. "Leon, did you hear that?"  
  
"Hear what?" he asked.  
  
"Someone's crying." She told him, sitting up, hair in disarray.  
  
Leon swallowed a few times before his eyes widened. "My mom..." he said, quickly standing up. It took a few moments for her heart to stop racing and the tight pressure between her legs to recede but eventually Claire straightened her blouse and swept her hair back into its ponytail before heading to the bottom of the stairwell. Peering upstairs, she saw Leon standing in the doorframe of his mother's room, talking quietly with his mom, who was lying in a crumpled heap on the bed. Tip toeing up to the first landing, she sat on the floor and pressed her back against the banister. Little pieces of the soft conversation drifted down the steps and she couldn't help but listen in.  
  
"I'm sorry for being this way...I just miss your father so much sometimes." Mrs. Kennedy told her son.  
  
Leon's voice was a little harder to hear. "Mom...don't... it's alright to feel that way. It's hard on all of us..."  
  
"I know but I didn't want to make this harder on you kids."  
  
Leon stood at the door for a long time, he never went any further than the frame, as if he were afraid he'd break down if he entered the room. Claire pulled her knees up to her chin and laid her head down. She hadn't meant to go to sleep there but she must have drifted off because a while later, Leon was gently shaking her shoulder and she awoke to find she had curled up into a fetal position on the ground.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't realize how long I was up there."  
  
"That's all right." She replied. "What about your mom, is she alright?"  
  
Nodding, Leon leaned back on his hand and pulled himself up. He offered his other hand to her and Claire was sharply reminded of the very first time she had met him... just what if... She accepted his hand and leapt up and gazed at him awkwardly.   
  
"Well..."   
  
"Um..." Leon scratched the back of his head. "Why don't you go get some sleep? There's a big day tomorrow."  
  
"This isn't summer camp, Leon." She remarked.  
  
"I know." He told her. "I'm just...tired."  
  
"Tired?"  
  
"Yeah. Um, I'm just going to sleep...down here." His tone was slightly disappointed but he forced it out anyway.  
  
Claire took his arm and hugged him. "I could stay down here with you." She offered.  
  
"Nah, it wouldn't be too comfortable." He said.  
  
"Oh, alright." She said and turned to go upstairs. She reached the top step before she shook her head and turned around. "Leon," she called from the landing.  
  
Leon had settled himself on the pillows when he turned around.  
  
"It's lonely up there." She aside.  
  
Leon smiled and scooted over as Claire headed toward him and lay beside him on the ground. They didn't pick up where they left off but it wasn't too much of a disappointment. The few hours of night that they had left for them were spent in each other's arms. The brief sleep that came to them would give them the much needed fortitude for the next day. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten  
  
"Leon, did you get a ribbon?" Mrs. Kennedy asked as she rushed through the living room, trying to put on an earring though there was no mirror present.   
  
"What? A ribbon? What for?" Leon asked but received no answer for his mother zoomed right out of the room to the kitchen, where a few of Leon's aunts were cooking. "What ribbon? What the deuce is she talking about?" he demanded.  
  
Claire looked up at him curiously. "Deuce? What the devil does that mean?"  
  
"Deuce means devil." Leon informed her. "God, haven't you ever watched TV?"  
  
Claire hemmed under her breath and threw Leon's tie over his neck. " 'Deuce'... Sounds archaic."  
  
"What the hell does that mean?" he took a deep breath. Relax, he told himself.   
  
Claire fiddled with the tie for a few moments before she gave it up and let Leon do it on his own.   
  
"Lanna--Leila? Leon!" As usually, his Auntie Avril went down the list of children before she got to his own. "Leon, boy-o, where's the spices your mother keeps? And shouldn't you have a ribbon on your arm?"  
  
"Ribbon? I was asking my mom about that--" he turned to Claire. "Am I supposed to have a ribbon?"  
  
Claire was about to reply when Mrs. Kennedy rushed by again, this time returning upstairs.  
  
"Leon, could you please make sure everything is in order down here?" she started up the steps.   
  
"Sure, mom." Leon told her. "What's that, Auntie Avril?"  
  
"The spices." she replied.  
  
"Oh." he was quiet before he spied Lanna rush past. "Lanna! Where does mom keep the spices?"  
  
Lanna glared at him, looking harried and frustrated and tired. "I don't cook." she said witheringly. "Ask Leila."  
  
Leon made an "I'm sorry" noise and swiveled around to look for Leila. She was sitting on the settee, the phone held up to her ear.  
  
"Leila? Where's the spices so Auntie Avril can--"   
  
"In the pantry." Leila shushed him, waving him away.  
  
"In the pantry." Leon replied to his aunt who disappeared back into the kitchen.  
  
Leon stood in front of the living room mirror and struggled to straighten his tie before Lalique broke his concentration by running into him, looking distracted.  
  
"Hey--watch it!" Leon scolded to his younger sister. But Lalique was too frantic looking to acknowledge him.  
  
"My music! Where's my music sheets!?" she demanded.  
  
"What do you need them for?" Leon asked, rubbing his arm where Lalique and slammed against it; The whole incident brought up the raw pain from the bullet wound that Leon had thought was getting better. "We're going to dad's--" he stopped himself short because he didnt' feel like stating the obvious.  
  
Lalique let out a frustrated sigh. "I need that, Leon! I'm going to sing daddy's favourite hymn."  
  
"When was that decided?" the question just flew out of his mouth. He was always inquisitive by nature but sometimes he had the habit of saying unnecessary things at inappropriate times.  
  
Instead of answering, Lalique threwup her hands in apprehension. She stomped off, clearly too stressed out to explain things. Leon didn't blame her. There was so much hustling and bustling in the house that it was starting to wear on his nerves.  
  
"My hands are shaking too much." Leon mumbled. "Does anyone know how to do a decent tie around here."  
  
"Leon," Leila said, slamming the phone down and standing up so fast she could have tipped over in those heels she was wearing. "Would you please not get in my way? For God's sake, we're all trying to get ready for this thing."  
  
"Christ, Leila. What the hell did I do?" he asked.  
  
Leila shook her head. "Nothing. You didn't do a damn thing." Leila turned to Claire, who was sitting innocently on the couch. "Men never do anything they say they will." she turned back to Leon. "For God's sake, Leon, would you please get the friggin' ribbon-sash thingy from the funeral lady before ma wallops you over your head?"  
  
Leon would have been a little stung by her standoffish-ness but at the moment a smile spread over his face. Leila had been speaking so fast that she had unknowingly slipped into the slight Irish brogue that they had all picked up from their late grandfather. For all he knew, grandpa and dad could be up in the sky right now, looking down and... He shook his head and said, "If I knew where the friggin' ribbon-sash thingies were I would get them but as I don't even know what they are--"  
  
Leila didn't wait for him to finish, simply walked away, ignoring him.  
  
"Dam--" he began but was interrupted by Claire, telling him to calm down.  
  
"Just breathe." She said, patting his shoulder.  
  
"I don't want to breathe." he retorted. "I'm getting so frustrated. All the women in my house are being so difficult."  
  
"Hey!" Claire exclaimed playfully. She tried another attempt at tying Leon's noose.  
  
"Sorry. But you know what I mean."  
  
"They're just stressed out, Leon. I know you are too but... you don't have PMS once a month, so chill out."  
  
Leon laughed shortly and took a deep breath. Shaking his head, he looked sadly at the family portrait and to his father's face fondly.   
  
"I didn't ever think it would be this hard."  
  
Claire smiled softly. "Like I said before, 'it'll get harder'."  
  
Without warning, Leon pulled her close to him, in a warm hug that sent a wave of peacefulness through her.  
  
"I'm ready." he whispered in her ear, more for his own benefit than anything else.  
  
"You are." she agreed, patting his back. "You can do this. It'll all be over before you know it."  
  
"And then my father will be in the ground." Leon murmured.  
  
Claire pulled away from him slightly and placed a small peck on his lips. "I'm..." she suddenly trailed, forgetting what she was going to say. Leon just looked so tired and frail. On the outside he looked completely alert, but when she stared deeply into his eyes, she still saw so much pain inside that he was forcing back. 'It'll all come out today...' she thought solemnly. 'Whether he wants it to or not.'  
  
It took some doing but whatever last minute things that needed to be done where finished and the family was riding to the church.   
  
"Here." Lanna said, handing Leon a piece of black satin-y material.  
  
"What's this?" asked Leon, his voice hoarse.  
  
"Your arm band." After a blank pause. "The damned ribbon you were looking for."  
  
"Oh." Leon shrugged cluelessly still, even as Claire helped him secure the band on his sleeve.  
  
The church was silent. A completely different universe, it seemed, from the outside world. From the cold breeze that blew violently through the trees and smell of air mixed with smog was the stillness of the church and the smell on incense permeating the air; you could tell there was a complete change in everything around you. Quiet, calm and tranquil were virtues here and Leon was quite sure he could hear every single movement in the building. His nose wrinkled in annoyance at the pungent smell of the incense that assaulted his senses. He sniffed once, twice then doubled over, resting his elbows on his knees and sighing. He felt a hand on his shoulder, drifting down his spine then up again to the nape of his neck where it began to massage the knots out of it.   
  
Even if he hadn't glanced her with his peripheral vision, he could tell Claire was massaging him. She was facing forward, her eyes up, her posture steady; as if she were intent to out last the wall in a staring contest. She could have been listening to a sermon by the way she looked. No one would ever have thought she was instead massaging the stress out of him. She made it seem natural.  
  
Leon straightened up and breathed heavily. Claire rested her hands on her lap and shared a sideway glance with him. Leon smiled and looked straight ahead. People started pouring into the church so heavily that Leon could barely accept their condolences as he turned to greet one after the other.  
  
"I'm so sorry about your father, my dear." An elderly police officer said to Claire, placing a firm kiss on her forehead. Claire was stunned for a few moments before Lalaine giggled slightly.  
  
"Mr. Canfield, that's my--that's not my sister." Leon nudged the man. "That's my...girlfriend."  
  
Mr. Canfield looked genuinely surprised before turning to the side and glancing Lalique and Lalaine, who were seated together, looking like they were at casting calls for The Parent Trap.   
  
"So sorry." Mr. Canfield said to Claire before turning to the girls. "I'm so sorry about your father, my dears."  
  
Claire smiled slightly before clutching Leon's hand in hers. "I'll get used to it." she whispered softly. Leon wished he could feel that way. As it was all the "I'm sorry"s and the "How are you"s weren't getting easier to accept with time. It became harder. By the time the service began, Leon had gotten fed up with all the comiserations the people threw at them with automated voices and blank, empty eyes. Their laments served only as a catalyst for their grief. By the time everyone had their seats all his sisters had red eyes and dripping noses. Leon stared straight ahead, determined to mask his feelings behind a dark, heavy curtain that no one could penetrate through...no matter how hard they scrutinized or prodded. He wouldn't even look at Claire because he knew she would pierce through the smokescreen and see how he was really feeling.   
  
Finally, the service began. The flow of people into the church ebbed and Leon noticed just how many people were already leaving. As if sensing his apprehension, Claire took hold of his hand and leaned into him. Leon had to tip his head down so she could whisper in his ear. "Most of them probably have to get back to work; I wouldn't be surprised if this was their lunch break." Her calm, reasonable explanation helped and Leon was able to lean back in his seat and focus his attention on his Uncle Dan, who was reading the eulogy for his younger brother.   
  
Beautiful things were said about his father, eloquent, truthful things, but Leon didn't listen to them. He didn't need to listen because he already knew and didn't need anyone telling him. He glanced around once or twice and saw dozens of people crying and blowing into handkerchiefs. Suddenly, he caught sight of someone a few pews away from them. In the corner of the church, his Uncle Ralph was sitting straight-backed in his seat, looking solemnly at the closed casket, which was displayed at the front of the altar.   
  
"Ouch." Claire gasped as Leon involuntarily squeezed her hand in his.  
  
"Sorry." he mumbled, still looking at his wayward uncle.  
  
Flexing her fingers with a grimace, Claire questionably followed his gaze and her features darkened. Shaking her head, she gave him a light peck on his cheek. "It's alright. Just ignore him." she said, her tone more pleading than it was admonishing. No doubt that none of the girls wanted another scene like that night...  
  
But each moment that passed was painful. Leon bit down on his bottom lip, took deep breaths but nothing would make time go faster or the urge to lose his temper go away.   
  
An eternity passed before the mass ended and the only reason Leon noticed it had wound up was because Lalique had squeezed past him to take her place at a microphone by the choir. She sang a song Leon had always heard his father tell her to sing when he died. Despite her red eyes and stuffy nose, the notes that arose from her petite form were clear and strong until the final strains when her voice cracked slightly and she buried her face into the shoulder of the kid next to her. Leon suspected he was a "friend" because of the way she clung to him and the way he whispered soothingly into her ear. As Leila went to gently pull her back to the family, Leon took his place at the side of the casket with the other pall bearers.   
  
His hand gripped the side bars and when Uncle Jake gave the signal, he lifted up with all the strength in his left arm. The walk down the aisle to the exit was surreal; Salvador Dali couldn't have made it any more queer had he added his melted clocks and this-way-that-way staircases. The double doors opened and bright light blinded Leon's vision but he stumbled forward without stopping. His peripheral vision disappeared and all that was left was the light at the end of the walk and he suddenly had a feeling of irony. The light at the end of the tunnel... With a final resigned breath he stepped out of the church and they loaded the casket into the chrome and white hearse.   
  
In order to save parking space at the cemetery where they were putting Frank Kennedy to rest, the family had ordered a tour bus to drive them and the remaining guests to the plot. During the ride Leon gazed listlessly out the window and noticed the increasingly darkening sky. Claire wasn't sitting next to him despite her constant companionship during the funeral mass; Lalaine had wanted to sit next to him on the ride over and Claire had smiled and took a seat a few rows down to give them space. Lalaine didn't say a word throughout the short ride, just leaned her head on Leon's shoulder and whimpered an inaudible utterance every now and then.   
  
The cemetery grounds were muddy and slippery, as it seemed to have rained there already but the bus driver maneuvered through the muck with expert skill and loaded everyone out in front of the crypt where the casket had set up under a canopy. The funeral planners were already there, standing beside the priest who would give one last blessing before the ultimate...whatever they called it...  
  
Leon was one of the last people out of the bus and when he gathered around the casket with his sister and mother, he was handed a yellow rose to place on the casket. He was also instructed to tie his black arm band around the casket's bars and take one of the crosses that was attached around it. Despite the macabre situation, Leon leaned over to his oldest sister and whispered coarsely, "God, they come off? I didn't know that." Lanna just shook her head and took her place beside their mother.   
  
The crypt they were standing in front of was five "stories" high and he was told that his dad would be at the way top. That would make visits and flower replacements hard to do... When there was no more stalling to be done, each Kennedy stepped forward to place their rose and take their cross from the casket. Leon was the last and he did his task with difficulty. The bronze cross statuette in his hand was smooth except for a square of velcro at the back which the funeral parlour used to attach it to the casket.   
  
A lift was brought in to help the pall bearers bring the casket up to the top crypt and Leon loaded it on without much feeling but a tear-stained face. Once it was loaded, the machine began to rise with a slow, jerky movement. As the casket was raised above his head, his heart exploded. What the HELL were they DOING?! "Stop this!" his mind shouted at him. "This isn't REAL! It's NOT happening! Why are you letting them take him away from you!?"  
  
A sob burst in his throat and he started coughing. Two of his uncles placed their arms around his shoulders, their own shaking from the effort to hold in their own cries. He managed to choke out the word 'stop' but it was lost in the silence. Leon risked one last look at the casket and all he saw was the end of it, arrayed with shiny black sashes being slid into the crypt and then the funeral workers sealed the plaque with his date of birth and death. Leon stepped away from everyone and pounded his fist into the wall and groaned angrily into his arm.   
  
"...once again, the Kennedy family would like to thank you all for joining them today. They also invite you to join them back at their home for a light merienda..."  
  
Leon swallowed hard, drawing strength from nowhere and turned around. People were milling around, offering condolences and hugs. He saw Claire sitting on one of the folding chairs, her face pale and mournful. Shaking his head, he headed toward her... the damn girl was going to freeze her ass off if she continued going around without at least a sweater.   
  
Upon approaching her, he slid off his coat and draped it over her shoulders.   
  
"Let's go." he whispered and nodded to everyone who was getting on the bus. Claire nodded numbly and allowed Leon the satisfaction of leading her onto the bus.   
  
As it turned out, the "light merienda" wasn't so very light as his aunts had been cooking since the night before and when they entered the house the smell of food hit them full force. Guests arrived shortly after they set up and they invited them in. But there's always a certain amount of pity and sympathy that a person can take. Leon had had enough of condolences and 'I'm so sorry's. He couldn't even enjoy his favourite dish without someone coming up to him, their mouths full of food, mumbling about how 'sorry' they were and then complimenting the chef's work. His mother was in the kitchen having coffee with some family friends, his sisters were circulating the room, offering different plates to people and Claire was on the side talking with a few friends of Leon's from high school.   
  
Feeling a bit claustrophobic, he decided to take a break outside. But on the way out he decided a walk would be better so he headed down his driveway and out of the neighborhood. 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven:  
  
Claire had never heard 'Amazing Grace' played on the bagpipes before...so when she first heard Leon's Uncle Jake playing it with skilled cadence she was impressed by the beautiful strains that radiated throughout the house. But then Lalaine decided that tonight was the night she took up the instrument. Pretty soon everyone who didn't live in the Kennedy home had disappeared with a polite but rushed goodbye and those who did live there were in the kitchen sipping coffee. And pretending that the infernal noise didn't exist.   
  
"Am I doing it right, Uncle Jake?" Lalaine asked, stopping in the middle of a note to look up at him.   
  
"You're doing just fine, darling." He assured her.  
  
Claire hid a smile as Lanna and Lalique shared a snicker. "The cops in our family have always been good at lying." Leila whispered to Claire.  
  
"Except for Leon," Lanna chimed in. "Living with us, he knew he couldn't get away with it."  
  
Laughter filled their small niche of the kitchen before Claire stopped abruptly. "Where is Leon?" she inquired, looking around.  
  
Mrs. Kennedy sighed. "I thought he had gone up to his room hours ago."  
  
"Funny." Lanna said. "I could have sworn he stepped outside."  
  
Claire smiled and rose up carefully. "I guess I'll go check on him."  
  
"Ask him if he needs anything, would you, dear?" Mrs. Kennedy asked.  
  
After assuring her that she would, Claire headed upstairs and knocked on Leon's door. "Leon?" she asked before opening the door a smidge. The room was empty and Claire opened the door all the way just to be sure. No one. She checked all the rooms and even searched the attic before returning downstairs.   
  
"Leon's not anywhere upstairs. I don't think he's here anymore." She informed the girls. Lalaine had stopped playing the bagpipes by then, which seemed to give Leila and Lalique the opportunity to take a small nap on the couch.  
  
"Oh dear." Mrs. Kennedy said, rising up. "Perhaps I should call around and see if he went anywhere."  
  
Lanna shook her head and heaved an exasperated sigh. "Mom, he's fine. He always is."  
  
Mrs. Kennedy looked back at her with the same exasperated expression and pursed her lips. "Why do you need to be like that about your brother, Lanna?"  
  
"Whatever do you mean, mother?" Lanna mused, her words careful and soft but slightly pointed.  
  
"You always make his problems seem so small. You never even worry about him when he runs off. He could be in serious trouble right now."  
  
Lanna snorted loudly. "Oh, yeah. Mother, dear, I think the last time he even dared get in trouble was when he was caught smoking pot with Dan and that other delinquent friend of his."  
  
"That's enough of that." Mrs. Kennedy snapped sharply.   
  
"Why are you always protecting him, mom?" Lanna demanded, standing up. Claire took a deep breath and edged out of the room.   
  
"What do you mean, 'why am I always protecting him?' He's my son!"  
  
"We're all your children, mother! But for some reason you always babied Leon more than any one else. Like he was more delicate or something."  
  
Mrs. Kennedy fumed for a few moments before mumbling something Claire couldn't hear but was significant enough to merit an outraged cry from the eldest daughter.   
  
"Mother, you're really not getting it. I didn't mean anything by what I said; I just hate it when you get all hysterical whenever Leon pulls these type of stunts around here. For God's sake, he's twenty-eight, not eight! He can take care of himself."  
  
"Shut-up. Enough of that. Call your uncles and aunts and ask around where Leon is."  
  
Claire sat down on the couch as Mrs. Kennedy rushed past her and hurried up the stairs, her face nearly as red as her hair and her eyes full of tears. Standing up, she re-entered the kitchen and was met with surly faces and pouted lips.   
  
"Leon is such a bastard." Lanna fumed angrily, clearing the table. Claire quietly collected the rest of the dishes and helped her load them into the dishwasher.  
  
"He must have been hard to grow up with." She commented.  
  
"Like hell he was." Lanna snapped, slamming the washer door shut. "The way they spoiled that kid, damn it, it was ridiculous."  
  
Like poison that had collected over the years, Lanna began to tell of all Leon's antics and stupidities ever since they were little kids. Some of the stories were funny but some were down right aggravating. Claire could tell that Lanna wasn't even aware of the things she was saying and by the time she finished she was almost in tears.  
  
"Dad just always loved the boys better. Loved them more." Lanna remarked bitterly as she sat herself down at the table. "Too bad he had a whole team of girls."  
  
Claire nodded inwardly. Now it seemed a little clear. Lanna was grieving more than she was reprimanding Leon. Her father was really gone to her for the first time and all that she could think of was the past. Maybe more intensely than she had wanted to. All the good times seemed to have been used up and the bad memories were surfacing.  
  
"I'm sure he never meant to do those things. Or make you feel that way." Claire guaranteed Lanna. "I'm sure he loved each and every one of you the same."  
  
"Yeah?" Lanna asked, biting her lip and sniffing softly. She suddenly laughed. "Oh God, listen to me, I thought that whole sibling rivalry thing was over and done with."  
  
"No, I think it'll always be there." Claire said fondly. "My brother, Chris and I, we would always..." she trailed off and brushed back her own tears. "I just think you're lucky that Leon's here with you now."  
  
Lanna wiped her eyes and swallowed hard. "I know you're right... you got a brother of your own somewhere?"  
  
Biting her bottom lip slightly, Claire nodded. "Yeah."  
  
Sympathy filled Lanna's countenance and she rested the side of her head on her fist. "Where's he at now?"  
  
"He's...overseas right now."  
  
"Oh! What does he do?" she asked, not noticing the I'd-rather-not-talk-about-it tone Claire had given off unintentionally.  
  
"What does he do?" she repeated. "Well, he... he saves the world..." she added the last part with some wistfulness and smiled sadly. "He kicks ass."  
  
Lanna laughed. "Another enforcer of the law? No wonder you can stand my brother the way you do." She let out a weak laugh and looked about with a sigh. "Well, I guess I'd better be off and find him."  
  
"I could go look for him if you like." Claire offered.  
  
"I'd hate for you to be out there this late by yourself, Claire." She said.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing. Really. You're tired enough as it is."   
  
He wasn't at any of their relatives' houses. Nor was he at any of his friends' homes or apartments... although that girlfriend of Dan's was really something else. At the mention of Leon's name, the girl had practically jumped down her throat, wanting to know specific details of their relationship. She left the place in a huff and drove all the way to the edge of town to try to calm down. Suddenly, she remembered the park where the family had had lunch the day before.   
  
The park was empty and the sound of the Jeep door shutting echoed in the vast vacancy of the place. Being wary of hiding thieves and rapists, Claire made her way down the winding pavement looking left and right. After fifteen minutes she was about to call it quits when she saw a figure in the distance just underneath a large tree. Tightening her grip on the thick coat in her arms, she headed close enough to see the stooping figure was wearing the same funeral clothes Leon had been wearing and had the same flaming red hair even in the moonlight.  
  
She started forward and climbed the slight hill that Leon sat upon.   
  
He had seen her coming from far off. Those damn heels of hers could be heard tapping out a staccato rhythm from a mile off as it was. When her silhouette breached the top of the hill directly in front of where he was seated, Leon smiled to himself. At least she had thrown on a coat to keep warm against the night chill. But the dress she still had on didn't do much to keep her legs from freezing.   
  
Leon kept his head bent, his gaze focused on the ground then finally gazed up as Claire started climbing the hilly area he was perched upon. He grinned merrily up at her but was met with nothing but a stern frown.  
  
"JFK, do you know how many strip clubs I went to looking for your ass?" she demanded.  
  
Leon shook his head, enjoying the light he saw in her eyes. "Miss Monroe, I don't know what else to tell you. Surprise." He emphasized the last word with a grand, open-armed gesture.  
  
Claire rolled her eyes and threw the coat she was holding over Leon's shoulder, simultaneously dropping to her knees. She was sitting beside him now and she placed a small kiss on his cheek. She sucked in a sharp breath and backed away. "You're as cold as ice."  
  
Leon shrugged and leaned back against the tree. Claire gazed up at the long, withered branches and cocked her head to one side in thoughtful appreciation. "It looks like someone painted silver on the undersides of the leaves." She whispered.  
  
Looking up, Leon realized what she meant as the dark leaves glinted with a slivery mist thrown off by the moon.   
  
He lowered his gaze and he sighed before meeting Claire's eyes. The bright blue had turned gray and she nuzzled close to him, resting her head on his chest.  
  
"Do you want to talk?" she asked.  
  
"No." he replied plainly. He didn't. He didn't care if he never spoke one word to anyone ever again. "I don't really feel there's anything left to say."  
  
Claire nodded and rested her head on his chest once again. The weight was reassuring and Leon smiled as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo. His hand found hers as he looked out over the shadowy square and entwined with her fingers. After a long, quiet look about the grounds of the park, Leon saw that there really was nothing that he or anyone could say. Claire started humming a soft tune under her breath-Amazing Grace, Leon thought it was-and the gentle vibration that ran through her body and radiated off of his made him laugh when he thought of maybe just one thing he wanted...  
  
"What's so funny?" asked Claire when he chuckled.  
  
"Nothing." He replied. "It's just...nothing..."  
  
There was a small 'tsk-tsk' sound from Claire and then the warm sensation of her breath on his hands. Then the heat from her lips on his fingertips registered.   
  
Leon released his hand from her hold and let his open palm slide down the side of Claire's thighs. Claire didn't resist but she didn't give any sign of acknowledgement to his seduction either. She just cuddled even closer to him in a somewhat neutral way, like he was a teddy bear or something. Her attention was focused entirely on the little pond off to the left of the park.   
  
Feeling an unreasonable jealousy that she should be looking at a millpond when she was getting him all hot and bothered put a dent in his ego. Couldn't she see what she was doing to him? Claire suddenly slid herself over so that the back of her thigh was grazing against his groin. She pressed her back into his chest and furtively rubbed her neck alongside his lips.   
  
Minutes past that way, with Leon holding her in his arms, pulling her close to him; Claire's response every now and then was to pull away slightly only to return at an even closer position than before. Closing his eyes, Leon breathed her scent in again and felt her heart race against his chest. Claire's breathing was heavy and fast and he became aware of the tiny sighs of yearning and restraint that escaped her lips.   
  
Finally reaching the end of his patience, he pulled Claire's coat away to place a kiss on her neck and then another on her shoulder. His tongue grazed her skin and she let out a gasp before mumbling, "The stars are beautiful tonight, aren't they?"  
  
Feeling slightly amused at her comment especially since her eyes were practically closed and her body turning towards him, he slipped his hand up her dress.  
  
"It's gorgeous." He replied. His free hand reached around her back to tug at the zipper to her dress. "I couldn't think of a better view...except maybe one other."  
  
The zipper relinquished its hold easier than he expected and he was about to bare her shoulder when Claire held him back.  
  
"Are you sure?" she whispered, looking around. "Here?"  
  
Leon grinned wickedly. "Why not?"  
  
Claire snorted. "Well, it's freezing, for one..."  
  
"So?" Leon grinned. "I can keep you warm."  
  
He raised his hips up towards her and gave her a long kiss, their tongues brushing against each other. Claire giggled slightly as he moved his mouth down to the nape of her neck. "I'm pretty sure you could do a lot more for me..."  
  
With that, she stood up and reached behind her to fully unzip the dress. With a soft 'plop', it hit the grass and she stood above him in lacy pink underwear.   
  
"Why did I figure you'd wear that underneath your dress?"  
  
Claire puckered her lips and looked thoughtful. "You just know me too well, I guess." She reached up to undo her ponytail and Leon ran his hand up to the hem of her French-cut panties.   
  
A sharp pain entered his chest and Claire shoved her heel and forced him back to the tree in a suddenly aggressive manner. "I'll have none of that, young man. If you want to play, stay in line."  
  
Leon chortled lewdly at that and shook his head. "That sounds even sexier than the way I imagined it would."  
  
Claire rolled her eyes. "Sexy or not, it's true. Get some of your clothes off before I give you detention." She shook her hair loose and hung her dress up over a low-slung branch of the tree. Now in nothing but her underwear and heels, she walked past him and sat on the other side of the tree, just out of sight. After a split second of shock, Leon hastily undid his pants and unbuttoned his shirt. A few fumbling moments later, clad in his thin white tank shirt and boxers, he crossed to where Claire was sitting, rubbing her goose-pimpled arms and shivering slightly. Leon threw his coat over her shoulders and pulled her towards him. Claire's response was to wrap her arms around him and pull him on top of her.  
  
"It took you long enough." She said, planting a kiss on his lips and cheek.   
  
"Sorry about that." He mumbled in between kisses.   
  
Claire's skin was chilled from the cold night air so she didn't object when he ran his hands over every inch of her body.   
  
"Leon..." she whispered sweetly into his ear, the hint of her tongue on his earlobe making him tremble violently. Her knees locked at his hips and she lifted her pelvis up to meet his, her back arching just enough so that he could undo her bra. Leon moved his lips down to brush against her collarbone, tossing her bra to the side. A tiny yap escaped Claire's breath as the wind seared her skin, her nipples hardening at the exposure.   
  
Pulling her closer than they already were, Leon wrapped his arms around Claire's back, rubbing briskly to create a warming friction but as the intensity of their kisses heightened it didn't seem necessary. Heat enveloped them and soon they couldn't concentrate on anything but each other. Every sensation was felt: the slightest sting of Claire's nails on his back, the thrill of the pressure Leon exerted on certain parts of her body...  
  
When it got to be unbearable, Claire grasped Leon's wrist, which was beside her ear as Leon used all of his strength to hold himself up and led his hand down. Their eyes locked deeply and Leon was aware of the texture of coarse lace on his fingers and he insinuated them just inside her lingerie. Then he dragged the garment down the length of her legs until they were low enough for her to kick away. Sitting up quickly, Claire pulled herself into his lap, pausing just above his boxer shorts. With a deep, voracious growl, Leon freed himself of his restraints and pushed urgently against her folds.   
  
Claire shied away from him engagingly, her tongue playing around his, drawing his out then pushing it back in. Breaking away, she licked at his neck with sweet fervor, lowering her sex on his again. Before he could pull her hips down onto his, Claire drew away, moving her tongue into his mouth. The same pullout, push-in motion only with more need than before and she lowered her lips to his chest; then the synchronized shift of her hips above his, the growing wetness between her legs teasing against his erection.  
  
Leon released an almost bestial grunt, gripping fistfuls of Claire's hair and mildly shoving her away.  
  
"You don't need to do that, baby." He said, meeting her mischievous, vixen eyes with his dark gaze. "Don't you see I'm already biting?" He lowered his head down to tease the supple flesh of her breasts.   
  
"Mmhmhm." It was a simple noise coming from Claire's throat; a sound somewhere between a moan and a giggle, but it seemed to vibrate throughout Leon's body and echo in the park's grounds. He bit down lightly on Claire's nipple and enjoyed the sound of her shocked gasp. When he looked up, her eyes were tightly closed, her teeth biting hard on her right finger. He watched in amusement as she chewed forcefully on her reddening digit, his fascination ending when he removed her finger and replaced it with his mouth.   
  
Claire rose up on him, her teeth cutting into his bottom lip before forcing her tongue against his jaw. Leon's mind became fuzzy and he leaned back, pulling her with him. The hill dipped down and they began rolling with it. Leon almost didn't notice the change in movement until he heard Claire groaning in discomfort and then feeling himself on the bottom, his back hitting the ground roughly before momentum brought him on top of Claire again. They completed almost five rotations, their limbs becoming entangled when they finally reached the bottom of the knoll.   
  
"Shit." Leon mumbled, digging his hand into the ground just before they rolled straight into the pond. There was a soft splashing sound and Claire groaned in frustration.  
  
"Shit." She copied his first response.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
Scooting out slightly from underneath him, she glanced down and then sighed before looking back up at him. "My shoe fell in."  
  
"What do you mean? In there?" he asked, looking toward the pond; circular ripples marked the area where her shoe had fallen in. Claire nodded pitifully, burying her face into her pillow of hair.   
  
They were frozen for a few moments before Claire shrugged and pulled him toward her. "What the hell?"  
  
Their desire fanned again and it didn't take long to pick up where they had left off. Without any more hesitation, Leon slipped between her legs and felt her walls close in on him.   
  
Claire grunted and groaned in exertion for the first few times Leon moved inside her, the stinging pressure growing as she took more of him in. But the tension and tightness eased away and soon all she could feel was pleasure as Leon's movements grew faster. She loved everything about this moment. She couldn't have imagined it more perfectly than this. She might not have thought that their first time would be in a park in the middle of the night but that only made it all the more exciting.   
  
Leon's pace began to quicken and he started thrusting from different angles and the shift caught Claire's attention and her insides twitched. Then an animal growl escaped from Leon and continued as the pistoning motion of his hips accelerated and she could hear the sounds of their skin smacking against each other. Her breath caught in her throat and her body start to spasm. Without realizing it, she began to scream in ecstasy. She dug her nails deep into the flesh of Leon's back with her left hand, at the same time biting down hard on her bottom lip, while her right hand jabbed at the soft earth beneath her body.   
  
She was halfway through her climax when Leon's hit. Even in her semi-paralyzed state she could feel him pulsing inside her and the sudden warmth that invaded her body was all but unpleasant. Claire was barely down from her orgasm when Leon came again with a fierce shudder. Claire stared at him in amazement as he hooked one of his hands on the inside of her knee and pulled it up so she could wrap her leg around his back; There was a wild, driven look about him and despite how cold it was there were beads of sweat around his temple and forehead. Their lovemaking didn't stop even though Claire had reached another orgasm and her vision had fizzed away until all she saw was a hodge-podge of colours and white light. She groped blindly at Leon's body, the thin gloss of sweat on him making her hands slip off and she was suddenly crazed at how badly she wanted to feel him. So when his pumping receded she pulled forcefully on his hair and pressed her lips to his ear.  
  
"Please, don't stop." Was her throaty whisper.   
  
Despite how spent he must have been, Leon acquiesced her plea. And begged her for more once she came down from a reeling chain of involuntary spasms. It didn't seem like they would ever stop or that they were capable of stopping. Every time it seemed they were drawing to a close, one would mumble some need and they would start all over again. Finally, Claire was too exhausted to go on. She let her head drop to the ground and Leon pulled out of her. Suddenly lonely at he absence of him inside her she cuddled up next to him in a spooning position.   
  
Leon's breath came in short pants but he managed a worn out chuckle as he looked at his watch.   
  
"What is it?" she breathed, her eyelids fluttering wildly as she struggled against sleep. The last thing she wanted was to wake up with the sun shining on their two naked bodies with some old couple walking their dogs toward them the next morning.  
  
"We took a little bit longer than I though we would..." Leon told her. Claire took a look at his watch and a surge of energy overtook her. They had been at it for nearly two and a half hours.  
  
"I never knew you were such a record-breaker." Leon remarked playfully.  
  
"We should get going." She murmured, pulling herself up to sitting. She looked around, puzzled, before she remembered that her shoe had fallen in the pond and she stood up. Leon just gazed at her for a long time before she looked around bashfully.  
  
"Come on." She urged him. "If I catch cold, it'll be all because of you."  
  
Leon sighed and picked himself up off the ground, he dusted off his legs and backside before pulling her in a front-to-back hug. "You know, getting sick wouldn't be such a bad idea. You could spend all day in bed...and I could be there with you."  
  
"I throw up a lot." She remarked, moving up the hill to where their clothes had been abandoned. Leon only laughed at her retort and followed her like an adoring Adam following his empyreal Eve.   
  
It didn't take Leon long to find his clothes but Claire had a significantly harder time. Aside from her shoe, she had lost her hair tie and her lacy pink underwear. "God, where is it?" she raged, frantically zipping up her dress and stumbling around the tree. Leon grinned like an idiot as he pulled her close to him. "Forget about it."  
  
"That's easy for you to say." She snapped, forcing back a giggle as he pressed his nose to her neck.  
  
"Yeah, I just want to get you home and into bed." He replied, putting her coat over her shoulders.  
  
"Didn't you have enough here?" she wondered, buttoning it up.   
  
Leon stepped around her and looked at her evenly, his manner suddenly quiet and sincere. "Thank you." He whispered, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead. Then he gave her that look with his sad, little eyes and she pretty much forgot about her underwear and hair tie and shoe.   
  
Leon drove home with one hand on the steering wheel. The other he kept clasped with Claire's soft one, rubbing his fingers along her knuckles and wrist. The house was quiet and Leon assumed that everyone had already gone to sleep. That was a good thing. Because he and Claire did need to take a shower as they had slight smears of dirt and grass stains (among other things) on their clothes.  
  
After they had quietly crept into the house and up the stairs, Leon let Claire shower first and he waited patiently for his turn. He let out a loud yell as the water hit him; it was freezing and Leon realized the heater must have kicked off. Damn, damn, damn, he thought as he rushed to finish his shower, the frigid pain cutting into his bones. The euphoria he felt with Claire evaporated and he was once again left with the painful memories of the day.   
  
Wrapping himself in a towel, then thinking better and throwing on a robe, he ventured out into the hallway. The dull pain in his heart gnawed unforgivably and he stopped in front of a picture on the wall. It was at one of the station's annual picnics and he was sitting at a picnic table with his parents and sisters, Lanna and Leila. It was before Lalaine and Lalique were born. The picture was mainly of his father, embracing his mom in a warm hug; in the background he and Lanna were fighting angrily. She was winning only because she was older and stronger at the time.  
  
The door opened at the side and he looked over, expecting to see Claire but instead, Lanna was peeking out of her old room.  
  
"Hey sis." He greeted wearily.  
  
Lanna smiled somewhat awkwardly. "I was just checking to see if you were back."   
  
"Were you up all this time?" he asked.  
  
Lanna rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Go figure. Mom was worried."  
  
"Oh. Yeah, I'm sorry I did that to her."  
  
"Well, she's sleeping now. She's fine."  
  
"Oh." Leon said again. He took another long look at the picture on the wall. Lanna's door creaked as she started to close it but Leon called her back.  
  
"What?" she asked tiredly.  
  
Leon inhaled deeply and looked around. "I'm sorry I made you worry, too. I know I put you through a lot of shit."  
  
Lanna looked at him with suspicious amusement. "Did Claire say anything to you?"  
  
Leon let out a laugh louder than he had intended to. "Nah, no. We didn't do much talking."  
  
Lanna blinked rapidly. "Oh. Oh, you are disgusting."  
  
"Heh. Night, Lanna." Leon said seriously.  
  
"Night." She replied with a smile before disappearing into her room.  
  
He stood in the hallway a few more moments before he returned to his bedroom. Claire sat up when he came in and watched in interest as he removed his robe and put on a pair of boxers. Prickling from the chilly air, Leon dove under the covers of his bed where he met Claire's warm body.   
  
"JFK, you look like you had a pretty rough day." She crooned, simpering sultrily.  
  
"You have no idea." He said, lying back against his pillows. He motioned for Claire to move closer and she did, fitting perfectly into the crook of his arm. Kind of like the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle.   
  
As he ran his hand through her hair, Leon felt the energy leak out of her body until her breathing evened out and she was sound asleep. Feeling exhausted himself, his allowed his eyelids to give into the heaviness and start to close. Before he gave in completely he looked down at the sleeping woman in his arms and smiled at how different she suddenly looked. Everything about her seemed to glow; and the way she cuddled up to him made him feel as if he were the only man in the entire world. 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve:

"Make sure you buckle up, my boy." Mrs. Kennedy was saying as she gave him a fierce hug and kiss on the cheek.

"I will mom…" Leon's voice was muffled as he was crushed by his mother's strength. She was probably a good five inches shorter than he but she was still his mother, damn it.

When her hold was released, Leon looked at her seriously, "Remember, if you guys ever need anything—anything—just give me a call. I'll be here like a shot."

"We'll be fine." She assured him. "We have Lalique and Lalaine to guard us, you know."

Leon turned to looked down at his two youngest sisters. Lalaine had her lips drawn up to one side in a look that would have made her attractive to most people but highly annoying to anyone who was a blood relation.

"I want a gun for Christmas." Lalaine told him bluntly. "Something bad-ass and police-edition only."

"Right, Lalaine. That'll happen." Leon told her.

"I'm serious, Leon. I have vermin to slaughter."

"Come on, kid." Leon said, ruffling her hair slightly. "Listen to your big brother, don't buy guns."

"Sure." Claire said, coming out of the house and giving them both a hug. "Become a bad-ass police officer who takes down pharmaceutical companies gone wrong and they give them to you for free."

Leon stared admiringly at Claire for a few moments before he shook his head. "Claire, I'm trying to teach the kids morals, for God's sake. You know? For a better America?"

"Then you can give lectures at my school when we get back." She looked like she was about to give him a quick peck on the lips but stopped when she seemed to remember who they were in front of. Instead she tapped her palm on his chest twice and headed off to say good-bye to Leon's mom and older sisters.

Lalique looked at Leon with one eyebrow raised, "You know, she doesn't have to hide it. We know you two have already slept together."

The blood in Leon's veins froze up for a moment or two, like a kid who has got his hand in the cookie jar when he knows it's going to ruin his dinner.

"Um…did Lanna…she um, said something to you?"

"No. But we _are_ fifteen, you know." Lalaine replied pointedly.

Leon shook his head and rolled his eyes before he gave them each a hug and kiss on the forehead. "Take care of yourselves, I'll see you for the holidays."

"Remember, something bad-ass—" Lalaine began.

"And police edition only." Leon finished. "See you later, Mary-Kate, Ashley."

"Who?" Lalaine and Lalique replied in Olsen fashion.

"You know, the Olsen twins?" Leon prompted.

For probably the first time in their lives the two were silent.

"Oh. Oh!" Lalique interjected after a moment of thought. "Right, them."

Lalaine nodded before turning to her sister, "They're still alive?"

"I guess." Lalique replied. "See you, Leon."

"Right." He said with a laugh.

"Bye, Leon!" Leila replied with her ever cheerful smile and a hug.

"See you around, Leila."

The last to say good-bye to was Lanna. Damn, it didn't matter that they had made up somewhat the night before, it was always awkward around his older sister.

"Lanna." He said, giving her an almoststudent-to-sensei bow.

"Leon." She cocked her head.

They were stiff for only a moment before Lanna rolled her eyes and pulled him into a hug. "Don't be a stranger." She told him. "Call or write once in a blue moon."

"I will. Don't worry about that."

The ride back wasn't filled with the blurry tension of grief but rather with a different kind. The kind that two people have when for the better part of four years they had been denying any sexual attraction to each other and then finally got over it. Once they had gotten down the street and the whole, "Your family is really nice" and "Yeah, I'm going to miss them" bit was through, they fell silent.

Claire stared out the window and took a deep breath. The scent of Leon's aftershave filled her mind and she tried to shake herself off of it. She cast a quick glance to Leon's side and saw he was staring straight ahead. The highway was rid of the rush hour traffic and now they were smoothly sailing along but he still had the edgy look of someone racing along the L.A. freeway.

Feeling as though the silence would kill her, Claire reached over to turn on the radio. The first station was a smooth, easy listening show that was playing, "Making Love Outta Nothing at All" by Air Supply. She turned it. The next was a rock station doing an 80s flashback with Def Leppard's, "Pour Some Sugar on Me." As soon as the line, "I'm hot, sticky, sweet" was sung, Claire turned the station again. It wasn't any better on any of the other stations. Once Celine Dion came on with, "I Drove All Night" Leon took hold of her hand.

"Does it really make a difference?" he asked her. He put it back on the rock station and the DJ's low, raspy voice came on.

"…and that was Def Leppard with, 'Pour Some Sugar on Me' people…And you'll be hearing more of that coming up in the day because Def Leppard is our featured artist for the next 24 hours. Coming up right now we got one of my personal favourites—'_Love Bites_!'"

Leon turned the radio off. "You know, I love them—but I'm sensing we should talk."

"You think?" Claire said with an exhaled laugh.

Leon let out a forced chuckle and cleared his throat a couple of times. Claire stared down at her hands, which were on her lap, her fingers nervously dancing around her knees, a silent symphony more complex than the most enigmatic Beethoven concerto. She licked her lips before staring back up at Leon who she found was now looking her.

"What?" she asked softly.

"Nothing, I mean, I just thought you were going to say something." The briefest of cringes crossed Leon's face and she could almost hear him mentally berating himself.

"Okay." Claire said, taking a deep breath. "Leon…last night…how do you…I mean I'm…Look, I'm sorry if I…if you think I was easy last night or if, God, I don't even know what I'm saying—"

Leon interrupted, "Claire, you don't need to apologize. If anything, I should be the one to apologize."

Claire looked puzzled.

"I mean, you were only trying to help me out during a rough time and what did I do? I took advantage of you. I was only trying—"

"Leon? Leon! Wait, you didn't take advantage of me…" Claire had to take a pause to shake the surrealness of such a conversation from her. "I mean…it wasn't bad."

"No, it wasn't." Leon agreed. "It wasn't bad at all. I just don't know what it means."

Claire looked at him half-confused, half-taken aback. "Excuse me?"

Leon looked flustered before he continued, "No, I just mean that…God, I…are we still just friends or are we…are we something more?"

"You don't know?" Claire asked, her brow dipping down. "You think all friends do what we did?"

"Oh come on, quit making me sound like the stupid male—you were thinking the same thing."

Claire sighed. Leon was right. She had been.

"Well…" Claire said grudgingly after a while. "We could just forget about it."

"Forget about it?" This time Leon adopted the half- baffled, half-insulted tone.

"Yeah. Just pretend it was something that happened at a drunken Christmas party and forget it ever happened. That way we can still maintain that 'just friends' status if you want."

Leon noticed the slightly bitter tone she was using but he was feeling more than a little sour about what she was saying himself.

"Claire, we can't go back to being 'just friends.'"

Claire looked as if her stomach had just fallen 80 stories but she recovered and fired back with, "Why not?"

"Because we can't. Because I don't want to." Leon shot back with more preparedness than he ever had when it came to arguing with Claire. "I'm tired of being just friends with you... I want more."

"Then _what's _the problem?" Claire inquired.

"I don't know." Leon said, laughing between words. "They never mentioned how to deal with situations like this in any of my trainings."

Genuine laughter filled the Jeep and the tension was finally released. Leon wondered if life with such an intense, fiery woman would always be this erratic and whether he could handle it. At that moment he caught Claire's eye and the calm, cloudy gray seemed to be glowing just for him. Remembering all the nights after Umbrella, it was that duality of Claire, both her fierceness of manner and placidity he saw in her eyes, was what got him through the worst of it. He decided he could handle Claire…Hell, that wasn't it. He needed her.

Leon sighed, "I guess most of this conversation wouldn't have happened if I had just said this last night."

"Said what?" Claire asked.

Leon looked straight at her, "I love you."

Claire's opposition slowly melted and was replaced with a soft pink tinge that appeared on her cheeks. "I love you, too." She looked thoughtful. "You're right. If you _had_ just said that last night, we both could have been spared this agony."

"Yeah well, I thought you already knew…because I have for the past four years." Leon paused then added, "Maybe longer."

A swoon passed through Claire but showed only in the languidness that came to her features. "I've been blind." She muttered and looked out the window then suddenly sat straight up. "Leon, Leon—the exit. The exit's coming up."

"Shit!" Leon grabbed hold of the wheel and jerked it to the right. A loud horn blasted from behind them and Leon quickly pulled into the next lane but slowed just enough so they wouldn't hit the car that was in front of them. They very nearly hit it though, because they received another angry bellow from _that_ driver's horn. But they made their exit and that was the important thing.

Claire shut the door of the Jeep and stretched her legs out in front of her house. It was one day later and their journey was finally over, without any more threats to their lives.

"Holy crap!" Leon said suddenly. "I just remembered something."

"What?" Claire asked, looking over at him.

"I don't think I ever hung up the phone since Lanna called."

"One week ago?" Claire asked and Leon nodded. "Leon," she began.

"I know, I know, but I was so…I had a lot on my mind…do you think that will add onto my bill?"

"…No…" Claire told him and headed for her door to avoid the subject further.

"Are you serious?" he pressed.

"…No…" she replied and looked puzzled when her key wouldn't work. She wiggled the door knob and the door opened easily. "Leon, I could have sworn I locked the door before I left that day."

Leon frowned and moved Claire aside. "Let me check the place out." He stepped into the house and was aware that the place didn't have the heavy, stuffy feeling that a house that had been completely closed up for a week should have. He made his way through the living room and saw that there was a window open, a slight wind billowing the light, airy curtains.

The most minor of sounds came from the kitchen and Leon cautiously made his way toward it. Another scrape and scratch sounded as Leon rounded the corner and saw that the pantry door was ajar. Soundlessly, Leon moved to the dish rack by the sink and pulled out a large frying pan and a sleek knife. He pressed himself against the wall beside the pantry door and waited, the sound of his heartbeat heavy in his ears.

Footsteps signaled that whoever was in the house was coming out. The door opened and Leon saw a flash of a scraggly beard and angry eyes and he sent the pan flying across the stranger's face. A howl of pain escaped from the intruder but so did a pretty powerful roundhouse. Leon was thrown back a few feet but recovered enough to dodge the man who was running toward him. He sent the side of the frying pan into the small of the man's back and shoved his knee up into his stomach.

Those hits should have been enough to level the average bum off the street but this guy swung his fist around to hit Leon in his back and then kneed him in the back of his thigh.

"Shit." Leon muttered as his leg numbed from the hit. He saw the man's shadow on the ground, that he was going to slam his elbow into his spine…so Leon beat him to it. He threw himself into the man and slammed them both into the refrigerator. Once he got control of his footing, Leon jammed his elbow into the man's chest, his nose, then got hold of his neck, twisted him around and sent his elbow into the top of the man's head.

The stranger fell to his knees and Leon picked him up and ran both of them back into the pantry, slamming the man into the shelf containing canned foods and boxes of cereal. Amazingly, he still had both the frying pan and knife in his hands and he gave the man's chest a blow with the flat end of the pan and with his other hand pressed the handle of the knife into the man's Adam's apple.

As he pressed harder he saw the whites of the man's eyes redden…calm, cloudy gray eyes that suddenly looked very familiar.

"Damn…Chris?" He said, not yet loosening his hold.

"Hey Kennedy." The guy choked out, an amused expression in his eyes despite his present predicament.

Leon released the handle from his neck but kept the frying pan on his chest since it looked like he might fall over if something weren't bracing him.

"Damn it, Redfield. I didn't recognize you with the beard! You had me going there."

Chris let out an amazingly light-hearted scoff. "Me? You're the one who slammed my face with a frying pan and have me backed up against the wall with a knife to my throat."

"Yeah, but I just thought it would be romantic." Leon replied, releasing him. "I'm sorry, man."

"It's alright. I would say I should have called but I tried your apartment a few days before I arrived and the line was—and stayed--busy."

Leon wiped the sweat from his brow. "So…does this mean that you're…you're back?"

"For good?" Chris finished. "Possibly. It won't be long before news gets out about the damage we've done in Europe…and the papers will be digging up crap about all of us…but for now it's pretty safe for me to be here."

"Leon, what's happening?" Claire said, running into the pantry and taking hold of his arm. "Are you…?" her thought was never finished because once she saw her beard, slightly battered brother she froze.

"Oh my God…Chris?" she asked, touching his face. "Oh my God, is it really you?"

"Yeah, baby sister, I'm back. Ow—OW!" the last expressions resulted from the fierce hug Claire pulled him into.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?" she demanded, her voice cracking and tears escaping her.

"I did try. I didn't call here but I tried Leon's place. It was busy."

"Yeah, that's my fault." Leon interrupted, looking sheepish.

Chris patted Claire's back a couple of times, the hug he was receiving somehow having a more powerful force than when Leon had him choked against the wall.

"So I came here and made myself at home for a few days. I was getting worried when I didn't see either of you."

"Leon's father died." Claire explained. "We both just kind of picked up and left."

Chris suddenly softened at the mention of a death in the family. Particularly a father. "Man, I am so sorry." He told Leon.

Leon shook his head. "I've had enough healing time."

Chris smiled and hugged Claire a little more. "Okay, I guess I'll forgive you for kicking my ass when you saw me."

"Leon?" Claire asked, looking at him.

"Hey, I _thought_ he was an intruder. Besides, he looked pissed as hell when he came through the pantry." Leon defended.

Chris snorted. "I was angry because I had to cook again. Everything that I've made these past few days has been horrible. You know I can't cook for shit."

"Oh yeah, that's right."

Claire wiped her eyes. "Come on, let's get my boys bandaged and we'll celebrate Chris being back with steak." She paused, then turned to Chris. "For how long?"

Chris pursed his lips. "Don't worry, Claire. Long enough."

Leon could tell Claire would have liked a more concrete answer but so did Chris. As usually, the elder Redfield shook off the moment and covered it with humour. "So, you met Leon's family? Does he have sisters? Are they hot?"

"Don't even go there, Redfield." Leon said. "Or I'll give you more of the frying pan."

It didn't take long for Claire to make repairs on the scratches the two endured from their battle and after the steak was made they all shared horror stories of their lives for the past four years. Some were funny but others were just what they were: horror stories. By the time it was Leon's turn to tell about his father's funeral, he thought he would feel an intense sadness but he didn't. Oh, it hurt but somehow after saying goodbye to him and coming back home to see an old friend and Claire happy again, closure for everyone involved.

Sometimes that's all a person really needs.

Author's Note: Damn, it's been awhile. But I was going through my stories and I thought that this one could use a little closure. It's a story that is very close to my heart because most of the things that happened in it are true and closure for my own feelings finally came, so I figured it was time. Sorry if the fight scene in the kitchen seems a little out of place, I recently watched an underground action movie called _Ong Bak: the Thai Warrior_ andit inspired me.I figured I would give a tribute to Tony Jaa.


End file.
